Finally found her heaven

Pop-turned-jazz singer Grace Knight has hidden a dark secret since she first entered the public eye as lead singer of the Eurogliders in 1982: the sexual abuse she suffered as a child at the hands of her father.

Now, at the age of 54, Knight has opened up about her childhood in her newly-released autobiography, Pink Suit for a Blue Day. She said the decision to go public was only made once she’d fully processed the lasting effects of the abuse she suffered.

“I’d spent a lot of years analysing myself, and trying to define myself beyond that legacy of ‘You’re worthless, you’re nothing’, ” Knight told Sydney Star Observer.

“After many, many years — about 30 — of trying, I finally did [let go]. Once I did that — and I can’t stress enough that this is just my experience — I discovered that a lot of that legacy was fed and nurtured by me.

“That’s not excusing my father and the things he did, but I realised I was the one who fed it all these years, telling myself I’m not good enough to be loved.”

Knight realised, she said, that she had let her childhood abuse become a part of her adult life.

“It defined me. I became this tough girl with a chip on her shoulder and a huge pair of bollocks. That was my way of not drowning in fear and sorrow.”

Knight’s straight-talking candour is on show throughout the book, particularly in the chapters dealing with the Eurogliders’ ’80s heyday. While their songs may have been pop, it seems they were living the drugs, sex and rock’n’roll lifestyle.

“I thought I’d really pulled back on it! Only because I wasn’t allowed to say more,” Knight laughed.

“I’d gone to some of the members of the band to say, this book isn’t about Eurogliders, it’s about my journey. Because it’s my journey, I want to talk about drugs, because I used them as a means to dull my feelings.

“Of course, the fucking flags went up and people got very upset.

“Do you really want to change history? I wanted to tell the truth the best I could, without sensationalising. I’ve been very specific about myself, and very fluffy about other people.”

While Knight becoming pregnant in 1987 spelled the end for the chart-topping group famous for hits like Heaven (Must Be There), she said she had no regrets.

“I was so lucky to have fallen pregnant. It saved me. Ecstasy was just coming in at that point, and being pregnant saved me, because otherwise I would’ve dived into that world head first.”

Ultimately, Knight said she hoped readers would find hers a story of ‘redemption’.

“It’s a scary word for me, ‘redemption’, because it sounds so Catholic. But I’ve felt this real redemption in moving on from everything that’s happened.”

info: Pink Suit For A Blue Day (New Holland) is out now.