IWITH Valentine’s Day done and dusted, matchmaker Vinko Anthony has some simple advice who are single – put down the apps and connect in the old fashioned way, but don’t be bunny boiler and don’t be guided by silly rules about when to contact people.

Anthony, who along with his business and life-partner Andrea Zaza founded Beau Brummell Introductions, says mobile phone apps have been a huge boon for his business because of people who aren’t able to effectively express themselves creating hookup or dating site profiles that focus on what gets bites or interaction that often runs counter to sustained love.

Anthony feels the limitation of technology is that the real person cannot be presented effectively in that medium.

“People are losing faith in apps,” he says.

“To be honest with you, there has to be fantastic people on these apps but they are not able to represent themselves they the way they want to, so it becomes all about sex.

“Thisreallydemoralisespeoplebecausetheyarenot presenting themselves the way they actually are, so it becomes a full time job being on all those apps being someone you are not.”

He added: “People are making too many judgements on the photo. Some people take a good photo or even a bad photo, either way you don’t get the real person.

“If you are meeting someone face to face, you experience the expression in their eyes, their masculinity, their smell, their smile. It is so much more than a photo.”

The date itself can often be harder if simple tricks are not followed, with the main one being to make sure there is some outside stimulus.

Anthony advises: “It is always nice to have something else going on, like going to a museum of contemporary art. Everyone has an opinion on art. But wherever you pick, you need something else to talk about on the date than just each other.”

For those that might not appreciate art, Anthony says: “Just go and do something fun, even going to a theme park, sporting match or even hiking somewhere beautiful so the stunning scenery can get you talking. This will take so much pressure off the date.”

In addition to the external environment, Anthony adds that attention must be paid to the other person at all times.

“No phone on table – or anywhere. Most of our communication is fine, but listening is gone – truly engaging with people is being lost,” he says.

“People really need to listen to the other person as this helps them connect. It is just so important.”

He also laughs at the rules or guidelines about how long to wait before contacting someone if the date went well.

“Forget about the rule to not call for three days. If you like the person you should tell them. Be truthful about your feelings. Be respectful of their space. Don’t, don’t, don’t ever follow the no call rule,” he says.

“As they say in Italy, God passes by your front door only once.

“But don’t be a bunny boiler, and if you are not getting any response, take it for what it is.”

Talking about how an introduction service works instead of apps, Anthony concedes: “We are a niche within a niche.

“We don’t want people to go on bad dates, so we get some background information first to help the conversation flow.”

Anthony adds that he and Zaza have a 75 per cent success rate with introductions: “We get to know people, by not asking too many questions, then when we need togobackandforwards.”

When questioned about whether they send raunchy pics of their clients, Anthony responds with a laugh.

“No, no, no. We don’t even share head shots,” he says.

“We form a deep relationship of trust with our clients and that is important to us. As we get paid on success, we work hard to find men that connect deeply.”

*****

TOP DATING TIPS

Have your date where other activity is going on like an art gallery or somewhere fun

Leave your phone switched off

Listen, don’t just chat Be honest about your feelings but respect theirs

Don’t be a bunny boiler

Don’t follow rules about when to call

Feel safe to represent yourself – all of you , not just the sexualised version

 

 

© Star Observer 2014 | Pick up the next Star Observer monthly magazine September 26 or Join us on our Facebook page and Twitter feed.