Letters – issue 1044

Letters – issue 1044

BULLY TACTICS

It has come to my attention that the lesbian community has fallen under prey to bullying. I believe it is unjustified and would like to encourage it to stop.

A close friend of mine has been the victim of extensive bullying from prominent figures within the community.

They have not only ganged up against her, but have spread lies. This is school yard behavior, which is unbelievable in this day and age.

Are people really that insecure and lead such boring lives they need to destroy hard working volunteers’ reputations to make themselves feel better?

The person under attack has been giving her time and resources to support the growth of the new. She is making such a difference by supporting our community, but is being attacked so venomously.

It brings tears to my eyes that her vigor and strength are ignored instead, for petty judgment and twisting of the truth.

I would like to ask the community to stop the bullying, and to start acting like mature adults.

— Sarah

PURPLE THANKS

Thanks to Katherine, Twenty10, Sydney Star Observer and everyone who is raising awareness about supporting gay and lesbian young people.

As a counsellor and therapist working with gay men and lesbians who have survived abuse, I am inspired by these stories.

— Ash

SLEAZE THANKS

We would like to say a big thank you to all the Sleaze Ball 2010 partygoers who ignored the rain and turned up in decadent theme.

The DJs were fantastic, the performances were spectacular and our community danced and celebrated our diversity in style.

It was great to see such a strong turnout from youth. We dropped ticket prices for the under 25s so it would be more affordable and they turned up in force and in theme.

The Forum was bustling with the hottest crowd we’ve seen in quite a while, with everyone reporting the atmosphere was the sexiest and most friendly they’d seen at Sleaze in a long time.

The girls made an amazing effort in their costumes and also had a massive turnout. The Dome had a great female presence, mixed with the traditional Dome fans.

It was the most diverse and accepting crowd we’ve had in a long time, and the vibe kept the venue pumping until the last moment.

We’ve had great feedback, but with the one major piece of negative feedback being queues to get into the Forum.

We’re sorry that some of you had to wait quite a while at peak times and we will adjust our planning for future events on this footprint.

Congratulations also go to Dallas Dellaforce — the winner of our Project Sleazeway this year.

Look forward to seeing you at Mardi Gras.

— Peter Urmson and Steph Sands

Co-chairs, New Mardi Gras

SLEAZE FAILURE

Just let me note that the reason that Sleaze Ball has failed and Mardi Gras is next is because of those in the gay community who like to heterosexualise everything in the hope of being accepted.

Hands up those who remember the 1980s before all this rubbish about inclusiveness of straights when a gay party was just that — gay.

Thanks to those losers who push the straight wagon hoping it will somehow help gay causes. It hasn’t and in the meantime you have destroyed gay culture.

— Daniel

HANDS OFF #1

So Cath (SSO 1043) was offended by the behaviour of people at Sleaze.

I discussed Cath’s letter with many people, including several lawyers and a QC, with regard to the invasion of personal space. There are issues of space, and certainly people’s manners can be greatly lacking. The best advice for future events is for Cath to wear a big sign saying ‘Do Not Touch!!’. I note that at no stage during the party did Cath put a shirt on.

Sleaze has become sanitised and homogenised, thanks to the NSW licensing laws. Despite that, people have paid equal money to dance, have a good time and to be fondled – or not as the case may be.

Many would complain if they had not been approached. And here is someone walking around with bare/painted breasts expecting people to look but not touch.

Men get groped, fondled and are subjected to wanted and unwanted attention.

Given the vast majority of party goers are gay men, perhaps next time Cath goes out she might consider most of us do not want to be subjected to an assault on the eyes.

NMG has gone to great lengths to cater to a minority of party goers, creating women’s spaces.  And yet they still feel unsafe; what more to do?  And where are the men only spaces?  [That becomes discrimination! ]

I propose next year’s Mardi Gras the RHI and Forum are mixed gender venues [with fondling], the Horden be men only, and the Dome women only.  Perhaps then we can all feel safe, have fun and have a great dance party.

— Alan

HANDS OFF #2

On behalf of ACON, I’d like to thank Cath for sharing her experiences at Sleaze Ball and thank her also for her pragmatic, articulate and measured response.

ACON’s Lesbian and Gay Anti-Violence Project (AVP) supports people experiencing homophobic violence, harassment and same-sex domestic violence. We also work to ensure that public and community spaces are safe. Violence, whether it’s from outside or inside our communities is always unacceptable.

People have boundaries which should be respected.

We all have a right to self expression free of assault or abuse and others do not have a right to violate that right. It should be especially clear that the way a person chooses to dress is never an excuse for unwelcome and non-consensual contact.

If you have experienced harassment or violence at any GLBT community events I encourage you to contact us confidentially on 9296 2116.

People can also officially report any form of violence or harassment to the AVP at www.acon.org.au by clicking the ‘report violence’ box.

We also encourage people to report any form of violence via the Police Assistance Line on 131 444.

— Nicolas Parkhill,

CEO, ACON

HANDS OFF #3

Well said Cath. I no longer attend gaystream dance parties like Sleaze because every time I have attended I have been sexually harassed.

I have had my rubber polished in strategic spots. My breasts have been groped and my nipple rings tugged on by men and women.

I have even been restrained in a bear hug by a stranger – all without my consent.

There is absolutely no excuse for these violations. Being gay is not a licence to grope. Look with your eyes and not with your hands.

— Gretchen

HANDS OFF #4

Cath, I was really upset to hear about your experience at Sleaze. Regardless of sexuality or gender, the rules should be the same: if you want to touch someone, make eye contact and ask. And be ready to listen to the answer. If it’s yes, hurrah.

If it’s no, respect that and move on. Easy.
— Kath

HANDS OFF #5

Cath, sorry you had an awful time. We get breasts out (and all sorts of other bits in funny types of contraptions) at The Hellfire Club, so we try and help things along ourselves with some visible rules up on every wall/toilet door. We call them the ‘Top 6 Ways to Ruin Your Night at Hellfire’.

The first rule is: Touch anyone without express permission and we throw you out.

It wouldn’t be too hard for other parties to follow suit. Of course it does need to be backed up with hosts who actually are on patrol all night, keeping their eyes peeled.

I often introduce myself to any ladies wearing particularly exposed outfits and suggest that if they have any hassles in my venue to catch my eye. Sometimes I’m even fast enough to head unwanted contact off at the pass.

— Ultra

HANDS OFF #6

Thanks Cath for publicising that this inappropriate behaviour is increasing and that it is not acceptable.

At the first ever gay dance party I attended my breasts were a source of constant admiration. So much so, by the end of the night, the people I attended with were tired of people disrupting us. But it was polite admiration, compliments AND requests to “blow raspberries” on them. It was so polite no one could really complain, it was the frequency and consistency that was off putting, though that is really not something to be upset about.

It was all polite, consensual and fun. I was never once touched without being asked. I fell in love with dance parties that night!

Since then I had noticed the change in attitude which was disappointing. I love attending parties where myself and others are topless or wearing minimal clothing.

I do not go out to be groped whether I have my top on or off. I remember commenting to a friend that “If I wanted to go dancing in a place where everyone had to have a top on, and I was going to be pinched on the ass by someone I did not know, I could go to something like the Fiddler. With much less fuss”.

I once even had a security man comment on my breasts a number of times. Then he was seemingly following me from area to area, I moved areas a couple of times, frequently, to check.

I then advised an organiser, who checked with him if he had told me “You have the largest breasts I have ever seen”, he was moved to the door for the remainder of the night.

Having to report inappropriate behaviour does certainly take away from the fun of a good night out.

I have not attended a dance party for a couple of years, for other reasons, so I am saddened to hear this bad attitude has grown.

I hope your message gets across, so fun nights out can be had by all.

— Jodie

HANDS OFF #7

Despite the disappointing crowd at Sleaze it was reported with some enthusiasm (even by NMG themselves) that there was a greater presence of women and younger people at this year’s party.

Congratulations, I thought, but from Cath’s unfortunate experience maybe the two demographics don’t work together. Back to the drawing board I’m afraid.

— Baz

HANDS OFF #8

Cath, thank you for writing about your experiences at Sleaze. Good on you for being proactive and making a stand and good on Sydney Star Observer for putting your words out there.

I’m standing with you as well, for the call out for some community education regarding touch consent and what personal body space means.

Sorry to hear this happened to you. Let’s hope the people who need to step up, step up.
­— Pagan

GETUP #1

Let’s hope GetUp! understands we are looking for full equality, not civil unions.

When you join GetUp! you can vote for the topics important to you, so please join and then place three votes for same sex marriage.

This issue is hotting up.
— Nathan

GETUP #2

The debate between civil unions and marriage can cause tempers to flare.

Lets be united in the fight to ensure that we obtain ‘Full Equality Before The Law’.
— David

CONGRATS #1

Re: WayOut defeats Brethren (SS 105), When someone or a group seeks all the commercial benefits of a business then they have no place discriminating.

This is about protecting society from the haters; hospitals, schools, nursing homes, hotels etc should not be allowed to discriminate against people simply due to their sexuality, race, disability or religious views.

Religious freedom is nothing to do with being able to carry out acts of hate. It is your right to believe or not believe in what you want, but when that translates to hate and excluding people from services then that is just wrong and should be stopped.

Millions of Christians around the world do not support such discrimination. When the 100 Reverends marched in Mardi Gras — made up of Baptist ministers, nuns, Catholic priests, Uniting Church ministers and Anglican ministers — these leaders wanted to show that the haters of humanity are few. Many religious leaders who could not come wrote letters on behalf of there congregations supporting the 100 Reverends.

Scientists have been able to replicate lesbian mice and gay fruit flies, but they cannot come up with a pill to cure the haters of humanity.

Some will always hate other people for reasons of race, sexuality, or even gender. For social class, for looks, or even occupation. Thankfully this a small minority. Could we imagine such haters having control of a nuclear bomb?

WayOut who works with the Uniting Church took the right approach and challenged this. I wish them all the best.
— Dave

CONGRATS #2
If this cult tries to appeal the decision, I hope WayOut kicks their unholy arses.
­— David

CONGRATS #3
Brilliant, good on you Sue and team.
— Gary

CONGRATS #4
Well done everyone involved.
— Jackie

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2 responses to “Letters – issue 1044”

  1. Re the bullying tactics in the lesbian community that Sarah writes about – this is a widespread problem in the GLBT community, especially in the big community organisations where it manifests as bullying in the workplace and of volunteers. Bizarrely enough, it’s these very organisations that complain the most about homophobic bullying even while they’re victimising the people that support their organisations and careers.

  2. Someone contributing something and being attacked LOL, welcome to the world of tolerance and acceptance, this happens in every city, gay men being the best at it.