Avoiding bad dates
They cannot be planned. You can only realise you’re in one until its too late. They are drawn to single people. Yes you know what I am talking about. It is the dread, the horrible, the down right scary first date.
The horror, oh the horror. They just sneak up on you. When you’re out and exchange numbers you’re in a good mood, maybe a little intoxicated and willing to give everything a go. Everyone is a catch until the first date. But fear not for there is always a strategy for avoiding a bad first date, though a word of caution, this does include those you have met online or a set up from friends.
Just like visiting someone in prison, you too need to have some kind of glass wall – a buffer if you will – just in case your first date turns into an attack.
Try taking a friend along and make your first date a group thing. You can bounce off one another and it takes the tension out of the first date. It’s also good having a second opinion on your choice. If all goes well you simply break from the herd and do your own thing together.
If you want to take the risk and go alone, make sure you have a back up plan. Something that you are doing afterwards, such as meeting friends. Make sure you mention it in the beginning of the date so you don’t appear fake when you do have to go suddenly. But the key here is to make sure you actually do organise something so you don’t have to lie – but ensure there is some flexibility around it in case you want to stay on the date or take him along with you.
The next thing to avoid is dinner. When you are having a meal there is no out – you are stuck for a long period of time trying to make conversation. Keep the first date simple, just a few drinks and a catch up. It helps to relax you and, best of all, if you realise you have yourself a dud then you can move on quickly – but politely of course.
Of course the best way to avoid a bad date is the classic friend phone call. About 20 minutes into the date get one of your friends to call you and say something terrible has happened. At the 20 minute mark you will have a good idea of how the date is travelling and it you want to stick around for a bit longer. If you want to stay and the friend calls, muster up a few Julia Roberts acting skills – note, not Madonna – and play it cool. If you want to leave, start channeling Meryl Streep when the call comes in and you will be out the door in no time.
A bad date can be avoided and you can escape them with your dignity intact. You just have to take a few precautions to cover your bases.
And remember, for every bad date there are probably a few good ones around the corner, so don’t feel despondant.
-” KLINTON PORTER
Dating is great. The newness. The apprehension. The hearing about someone elses thoughts who may not be in your comfort zome.
Id rather date and get to know a name and person and who knows where it will end (mussed up haid and bedsheets to laundry – or his and his towels and a picket fence. I can see my friends nodding, I must not be so fussy but I do like a big cock.
Everyone has good points and bad points – if we all try and get along a bit better and show a bit of kindness, then the world and indeed they gay ‘scene’ if you like would be alot better a place for it. We would also not polarise ourselves from the ‘straight’ world, whom I have many, many nice friends within – and the more enlightened ones respect us for who we are, not what we try and be. Age is all but a psychological parameter, and indeed some of my closest friends, gay or straight are of all ages. They all have something wonderful to contribute to Sydney and life in general.
Dating? I have always found it awful……and if you do eventually end up in bed and that doesnt work, it was all a waste of time:)
All my relationships ( the current one is 5 years) have all started with sex….forget dating……..start bonking and you will find someone you like:)
I am a serial dater, I seem to be caught in a perpetual dating wheel – It isnt something that I am trying to do I just seem to meet a new guy after the last fades out. I am 25 and would like to settle down but realistically living in sydney it is a hard match to find. So many guys have issues with age/looks/money – HIV for instance. I was dating a guy who had HIV and he broke up with me cause he has so many issues which all stem from it (not trying to sounds on myself but im a reasonably good looking guy with a pretty good job and quiet funny). How do you find a decent man in sydney? I am pretty jaded for a 25 y.o but I still enjoy dating. It juts take sme a while to let someone in.
The whole relationship is kind of weird, I used to go to the scenes very often and enjoyed short encounters and good sexs. Now hitting 30, I would like to settle but find difficult to find another guy who is more into companionship and sex, they are more into the later. I have just recently broke up from a 4 years relationship and during that period, I have come across many gaymen who are either singles or not quite happy in their relationship. Maybe that’s the reality in life, finding that very compatible, understandable partner is not difficult…
Well, I have to say that I think you’re silly to believe that a relationship doesn’t start with sex. If the sex ain’t good, then there’s no way you’ll be happy in your relationship. But this whole idea that guys ask other guys out on dates is a little foreign to me. It starts with sexual attraction, and then continues on if you also happen to like the person that you’re having the great sex with (assuming that the sex IS great anyway… god, some sydney men are really bad in bed!)
The idea that in order to find a fulfilling relationship you have to compromise by finding someone that’s non-scene is silly. if you live in different worlds, how is the relationship going to be fulfilling if you have absolutely no shared interests? yep, there are alot of gay guys out there that are just looking to have alot of sex, but there are also a lot of guys out there that are looking for sex, and also looking for someone to connect with. there’s plenty of guys that I know who are in happy relationships, and they engage in the gay scene.
I think these people are just getting frustrated with the fact that they haven’t found someone yet and are, consequently, shooting themselves in the foot every time they come close to dating someone. It’s a cliche, but stop looking and it will find you. And why should we be forced to comply with this idea that dating and finding a relationship occurs when you go have coffee with someone, then introduce them to your friends, then take them to meet the family, and so on… Why can’t we define what our relationships with other people are????
im glad to know that im not the only one who remains to be optimistic regarding dates and meeting men. its a given that it might be easy to date online but nothing beyond that. where were the old ways of meeting up for coffee or just having a decent, intellectual conversation face to face w/out having to type of using emoticons?
I agree with all except the three letter guy.
I am hitting forty thank god.
I would be even happy to go on a bad blind date. You do not need to see to touch.
Least its more of a human contact than the bloody keys on this key board. So how can i meet a 30 to 45 year old guy who has the same intrests as me?
I could fill out a profile on one of the gay pick up sites. (ya got a pic???????) no thats stuffs not for me.
I have found that when you do meet a guy you click with even if it turns out to be only a one off date or evening together that it makes that experiance even more rewarding. So never stop looking for a date and make sure your glass wall is not too thick. Change things around a bit for the date. Have a walk on a beach for your first date. Then if ya like each other get some fish and chips and watch the waves roll in. Who knows that night you could be in bed in a sea of passion. Its still worth a try even if ya 70. You know you know!!
The majority of gay men in “Sydney” are not looking for a partner.They are more interested in finding the ultimate fuck,and by this they have to sleep around and around,and even if you find someone you like they are over you or you them within 2 weeks.
If your interested and what to settle you have to find a person thats non-scene and also not interested in Gaydar,gay.com,dudesnude etc as the temptation is always there for them to cheat.
Gay men forget to realize as each day they get older the “scene” doesn’t what you in it.
Once you hit 30 you begin to feel displaced in the scene and cursed about by younger men,even the clothes shops are catered for the young ones.
On top of this to be a gay man,being a young gay man is very expensive,with the latest hair-do and clothes that cost hundreds,not to mention to live in the city you have to pay through the nose to live in a box to have a lifestyle.
All this to keep looking young,and on the ball and all to get a root.Incredible
I will date him!!!
Poor bitter Elliot. Had some bad experiences hon?
Evolved people continue to date sweetheart and I’m sorry if they do not want to date you.
No one dates anymore and no one asks people out on a date either, when someone wants to meet someone they always present their interest in you with famous slogans such as : “we’ll see what happens” or “im not looking for anyone at the moment but if something happens it happens” : In other words they are saying “I’m insecure when it comes to relationships and I personally do not know what im looking for however I will be there for the person who can take care of ALL my problems (night in shining armour syndrome) and ask nothing in return”.
Its true…