Nothing creates news like a girl-on-girl pash as seen in the recent Madonna, Britney and Christina three-way at the MTV music awards. The latest Sapphic spit swap of world interest happened -“ as everyone who reads the newspapers knows -“ in an American high school cafeteria.

According to the New York Post two high school girls were just following orders. Their English teacher, perhaps going too far with his Dead Poet’s Society dreams, set his students an assignment to perform a non-conformist act.

Anyways, the girls dropped conformity by pashing on a table at lunchtime, and copped a suspension for their abuse of school facilities. The story made headlines, and the two straight girls (who claimed the kiss as a protest against homophobia) made straight for Good Morning America, where they made a(nother) stand for civil rights. Bless them.

It seems like the whole world is going lesbian -“ at least in thought. Even the inventor of metrosexuality Mark Simpson -“ that shaved-headed queer theorist (who’d hate to be called that) has come out as a lesbian. He would rather be a lesbian, he says, than some kind of soft cock metrosexual with an ironed shirt. Or something.

Then there’s Pink and her random women pashing ways. Despite a few nights spent with her tongue down some actress slash model not-heard of in Australia before, Pink remains straightforward, if not straight. I like dick, she says (in The Guardian).

Then there’s the S section in the Sun-Herald. First they bring the world the story of a Sydney family and a possible lesbian marriage. Two weeks later they report an alleged rumour of an alleged lesbian affair between some publisher and some chef. All right, the people involved in the S stories are all fairly famous, some more than others. But surely they wouldn’t have gotten such prime positioning in the S section, like, say, first story on the first page, if they involved a more common arrangement, like, say, a man and a woman.

Then there’s the internet. From a 15-year-old girl loving girl trying to decide whether to go steady with Mandy or Ashley (www.dykette.blogspot.com) to a woman chasing four women called -“ in her own words -“ bitchface, crassgirl, newgirl and journo (www.creepylesbo.blogspot.com) the internet is jam-packed with girl-on-girl bloggers. The on-line lesbian world takeover is organised, too, with communities like www.dykewrite.com.

Then there’s the Newtown Festival. Between the dyke and dog lookey-likey show and the cruising going on around the shaved ice stand, that festival is as lesbian as Marrickville Metro Woolworths on a weeknight. It’s as lesbian as an Indigo Girls concert. It’s as lesbian as prison. It’s as lesbian as that show, the L Word, which, apparently, is pretty lesbian.

By the way, I was robbed in that Newtown Festival dog lookey-likey competition. Next year I’m going for matching costumes -“ something a bit more lesbian. I’ve heard it’s really hot right now.

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