All sewn up

It was all hands on deck last week with the constant hum of the sewing machine, the smell of hot glue slowly sticking the gun to the bench and the constant screams of, What do I do next?

Yes, we had a show to put on and the old saying about headless chickens definitely fit the household. I think they should re-evaluate the list of stressful events.

At the moment, death, divorce and moving house are numbers 1, 2 and 3 but I’m sure putting on a drag show would have to sneak in there somewhere between 2 and 3.

Being someone who is sewing machine-challenged puts a spanner in everyone’s works. What can I say? I took Home Economics when I was at school and not Textile and Design.

Having never been in front of a sewing machine I couldn’t even tell you how to turn it on, let alone hem up a pair of pants and finish off a cat suit.

However, I could prepare a feast from a can of tomatoes and a handful of herbs. Needless to say my week consisted of running around as the gofer for the show.

Can you be a showgirl and not be able to sew? I have performed for the last 10 years and not been able to sew a stitch. Is that bad?

When it comes to show time, I’m unable to whip up an outfit on the night, though over the years I have kept other showgirls in work producing outfits for me.

When it comes to cost, to be able to produce your own clothes would be cheaper but, unlike some other showgirls, I must be missing a portion of my brain that influences the creative side.

Granted, I can follow instructions but, if I was to be asked to jazz something up to make it fabulous, this is where my shithouse side kicks in. Put me on stage and I can be fabulous in a sack but ask me to glitter that sack to make it beautiful and I hit a spiral turn.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing that I am not able to sew or that there are other showgirls out there who suffer the same disability as me.

Should we be labelled as not real showgirls because we suffer this condition or should we just dig into our pockets and pay those who excel in these areas?

I guess it all works out in the end, as did our brand new Kylie show on Saturday night at the Palace Hotel. After a few minor opening night hitches, all in all it was fabulous. The first show is 9pm.

EYESPY

Thank you to Tom Wilson from Jordan, who sent an amazing letter to me. Tom gets the Star sent to him regularly to a place where gay boys are not allowed. Be safe, darling!