Fashion prediction time: the must-have accessory for this coming summer will be a good bum.
No, scrub that. The must-have accessory for this coming summer will be a really fantastic bum; an arse that gobsmacks all onlookers due to its sheer and utter fabulousness.
Sure, you can hit the beach or the club with your garden-variety tits and delts and lats, your pumped-up quads and your shredded abs, but if you really wanna cut through, these days, you need an altogether superior posterior.
Just look at Madonna.
How much of her recent career resurgence can be attributed to that bootylicious backside of hers? While her contemporaries are either covering up (Christina), making babies (Britney), out of the public eye (Kylie), or probably dead already (Cher), Madonna has ridden to yet another career high by showing off her perfectly formed bubble butt.
Madonna’s bum has become a marvel of our media age: a cellulite-free, age-and-gravity-defying miracle. Somewhere, a portrait of her real arse must be rotting in an attic.
But she’s not the only star whose back-bumper is gaining upfront attention. Check out this week’s NW magazine for a delicious spread -“ there is no other word -“ of Matthew McConaughey’s gorgeous glutes, sopping wet in a pair of clingy surf shorts.
Just last week, NW was reprimanding McConaughey for kegging out after a three-day bender, so it’s nice to see that a little flash of his bottom can put him back on top.
And closer to home, we have the example of this year’s Big Brother winner, Jamie Brooksby, whose buttocks will be sadly missed now that the show has finished.
A personal trainer by profession, Jamie may have been forgiven for flaunting his killer bod throughout his stay in the Big Brother house, but interestingly, he did much less of this than one might have thought.
Besides his meathook arms, the only part of his body that was on more-or-less constant display was his steel buns, which were forever peeking out from those shapeless low-slung trousers.
So here’s another fashion prediction: within a few months, Jamie will be modelling. I just hope the commercial-makers don’t force his back seat to take a back seat, because, as they said in Zoolander, his is truly a derri? extraordinaire. That young man has got a great future behind him.