Bring the inside, outside

by KLINTON PORTER

Winter has finally come and gone and now spring has sprung. The skies are blue, the flowers have all bloomed and it’s mating season in the animal kingdom.

David Attenborough has always told us that most animals get it on during spring. I think it has something to do with the fact that their bits have finally thawed out.

So why not join them? All through winter you have been under the pink covers keeping warm in the seclusion of your house so why not try to have a little fun outside? Bring the inside, outside. Perhaps it’s time to try a little outdoor loving.

It is definitely not in your best interest to do it in front of people as some issues can arise, so to speak. But if you’re careful and quick, it can be quite fabulous.

My suggestion if it’s all new to you is to just start small. Take it into your own backyard, or in a place where the neighbours can’t see.

The idea that you may get caught along with the knowing you shouldn’t be doing it is quite the aphrodisiac and will ignite the passion in both parties.

Once you have mastered that, jump the fence and try it down at the beach. It’s perfect with all its cliffs, bushes, huts and secret paths. The two of you could find a little secret cove and off you go. Most are already almost naked in their bathers so it makes a good alibi if you get sprung during your spring beach fling.

From the beach you could just try it in a car park, in the back seat of your car, or relive your high school days by fooling around in the back of a cinema. Or for the most adventurous types, try the changing room at the local clothes store, but I’d only recommend that to those who are skilled.

The house is nice and cosy, but there is a whole world out there to see. The trick is to keep it quick, don’t get fully naked and just keep vocals to a minimum.

But always make sure you have something to clean up the evidence with if you accidently get to the finale, and have a good excuse ready just in case you get caught. I slipped and he just fell is not one that should ever be uttered.

It’s not recommended to do it outside all the time but once in a while it will keep the spontaneity and the passion up.

It’s good to get out in the fresh air and do some exercise. Plus there’s nothing better than feeling the wind in your hair.