Escape from Easter

Religion usually makes me furious. Church leaders are always spouting anti-gay remarks to the world (Pope Benedict, anyone?).

They’re always going on about how evil we are, how our choice of lifestyle isn’t what God intended, and how our relationships shouldn’t be legally -“ or socially -“ recognised.

In some countries gays and lesbians are killed or jailed because homosexuality goes against the dominant religion. Meanwhile hundreds of young queers in America are sent on religious de-gaying programs.

And it’s not just the we-hate-queers stuff that gets my gay goat. How many billions of people have been killed in the name of God in wars, terrorist attacks and senseless acts of violence over the centuries? Lots.

But it’s just occurred to me that maybe religion isn’t all that bad. I mean, it has actually brought some really good things into our lives. Like public holidays.

Yes, if it weren’t for the alleged death and resurrection of Jesus, we wouldn’t have just had a four-day long weekend.

And there wouldn’t have been any Easter eggs either. (My only gripe about Easter was the whole nonsense about not being able to buy takeaway alcohol on Good Friday.)

And let’s not forget Christmas, the alleged birth of the aforementioned Jesus. Not only do we get public holidays for Christmas and Boxing Day, we get presents as well.

Come to think of it though, maybe we don’t really need religion to give us public holidays. Australians seem to love public holidays more than anyone in the world.

We certainly have a lot of them. Look at Labour Day in October -“ what on earth is that about?

Perhaps instead of Easter or Christmas we could celebrate the birthday of Kylie Minogue (28 May, as if you didn’t know). She’s a national icon loved by everyone, and there’s no reason not to celebrate it by eating tons of chocolate. Plus, we don’t have to worry about her badmouthing the gays.

Or how about Tom Williams Takes His Shirt Off Day, to commemorate that special moment when the TV star stripped down in front of millions of viewers on Dancing With The Stars?

Or maybe Donald Bradman or Cathy Freeman Day. Sport is, after all, Australia’s unofficial national religion, so it would be fitting.

Or Princess Mary Meets Prince Frederick At The Slip Inn Day? Now that was an event that changed all Australians’ lives forever, and should be celebrated by giving each other pressies.

Just some suggestions.