Finding your inner-porn star

Porn. It’s inescapable.

For the unsuspecting, surfing the internet can be like riding the Ghost Train, with scary peccadilloes leaping out at every turn. For the addicted, it’s more like the Rotor, where you go round and round but don’t actually get anywhere, then pay more money to do it all again.

In any case, porn was a perfect theme for Sleaze and I was intrigued to see how the crowd would interpret it. I struggled for days with my own porn outfit, but eventually I opted for Amateur Eastern European, that sort of underfed, exploited look.

Translation: T-shirt, old jeans, prematurely jaded expression. Easy!
While many took this approach, plenty of others went further. I noticed several men had grown moustaches, achieving a certain pre-condom loucheness, although they were all upstaged by the dyke in a fake handle-bar mo’ and powder blue 70s sportswear. I don’t know which porn movie she came from, but I bet it had a killer soundtrack.

There were naughty nurses, leather boys and other usual suspects but, as always, the walking non sequiturs gave the party its flavour. The Japanese kewpie doll was super-cute, in a really disturbing, Hello-Kitty-does-bukkake kind of way. Loved her. And then there was the pair of boy scouts -¦ Let’s just move on, shall we?

For all the libidinous looks, the party itself was pretty PG. There was really no place for a rummage (Fox doesn’t do porn), but having never gone to dance parties for nookie, this didn’t bother me. What I did notice was the furious texting going on as the evening progressed. Perhaps, in lieu of actual physical contact, they were all sending each other obscene, drunken footy player-style messages, although I suspect it was more along the lines of Arq or Manacle?

So was it a success? Well, the closest I came to a sleazy encounter was when a speeding lesbian fingered my butt-crack in a misguided attempt to get ahead of me in the drinks queue. It made me feel cheap, and not in a good way. Now, I’m no prude, but I have yet to see any adult movie involving a poof, a dyke and a $4 bottle of water. Then again, I did try one of those porn star name generator sites when I got home and I ended up with, wait for it, Tara Maxim.

Oh dear.