Although some of my closest friends are also showgirls, it was not always my intention to surround myself with other dirty cross dressers -“ it just happened. And it wasn’t till an outside friend joined us for a quick coffee that it came to me why it is sometimes best that we limit our socialising to just those in the industry. It seems that anything and everything is allowed to be discussed between showgirls. And by the end it sometimes turns into a who-can-shock-who-more type of challenge.
One conversation that had my outsider friend squirming in her seat was about hair removal.
Coming up to DIVAs these things need to be carefully planned as no one wants to be seen with a nasty case of prickly re-growth or, even worse, a red rash that makes legs and arse look like a Christmas ham. It soon led on to different forms of hair removal. The razor was named the best for those easy-to-reach places, such as the bottom of your legs, chest, armpits and any other place that you don’t have to be an Olympic gymnast to reach.
The next was where the outsider started to look nervous -“ depilatory cream. To all those who have not experienced the joys of depilatories, it’s probably best you never do. It’s smelly and burns but in turn it also burns the hair straight from your body.
How to apply it was so beautifully described by a showgirl friend that I think everyone should hear. Basically I rub it on everything that needs to be smooth -“ back of legs, arse, clacker and sack. Now here comes the tricky bit: you have to leave it on just enough time to get rid of all the hair and not leave little tufts everywhere. But take it off before it burns your clacker off. Once I left it on too long and Johnny Cash’s Ring Of Fire song rang true for a week -“ not to mention another part of me that looked like Rudolf had brought a friend for Christmas, they where so red.
One showgirl told us how, many years ago in her lead-up to DIVA preparations, she decided that a good waxing was in order. She quickly mounted the waxing table and got herself into what can only be described as the Boston Crab position. The waxer went on her merry way and burned all the tail end of her. The showgirl had to run home and go straight for an ice pack and her sewing machine as the original dress would not have hidden the chafing that had already started to appear. Oops!
When it was time for my outsider friend to go, she quickly paid her share of the bill and raced off. I think the poor thing will be letting all her hair grow from now on.
EYESPY I was DIVA-stated! I tuned into Big Brother Uncut on Monday night and to my horror I heard that the idea of two boys kissing disgusted one of the housemates. Well, boys kissing may disgust you, Kate, but just the sight of you disgusts my whole household. Grow up, little girl!