Let’s talk about sex, baby
Many moons ago words like vanilla, S&M, BDSM, golden showers, starfish, fisting, tops, bottoms and strap-on scared me. But once you have tried it all, well, I won’t tell you what reaction these words have for me now. Let’s just say I have matured.
My mind started ticking over the other day when a male friend said he had no idea that lesbians, like gay men, also had tops and bottoms. Initially I disagreed, but the more I think about it the more I think the positions do exist – though perhaps not as strictly as they seem to do for the boys. Personally, I prefer to call it Your Turn, My Turn, Our Turn.
Then I started thinking about sex in general and realised one of the most enlightening moments I ever had was the discovery that there was such a thing as bad sex. It was such a shock that I celebrated with a drink.
I try to remember most people I have slept with – be it by name or face – but this is one I will never forget. What it did for me – and let me explain it may have been a case of a lack of compatibility – was make everything since more enjoyable.
After that, I started wondering why so many lesbians I know enjoy watching gay male porn. I just don’t get it. Why do lesbians get turned on by this?
I understand lesbian porn usually isn’t up to scratch, so perhaps it is the superior production values that make it more exciting. I am going to grab some gay male porn from my mate and see if I can figure out what all the fuss is about.
Which brings me to my point – yes, I do have one and all these random thoughts about sex do have a link. Is gay male sex really that similar to lesbian sex? Well, after much thought I can see an argument for both points of view.
Both sexes tend to pigeonhole people into sexual positions, or make assumptions about another’s sexual preferences based on looks, attitude, speech and body language.
But what stood out to me more than anything else was how poorly we understand facets of our broader community that sit outside our interest.
It makes for great conversation with your friends – it can make your mate squirm but it can also be educational because, let’s face it, there are some techniques that are universal.
Talking about sex is, I think, healthy, educational and fun. And it can help take the pressure out of the actual act. The more relaxed you are between the sheets – or wherever you prefer to play – the more enjoyable it is going to be.
So, don’t be prudish about sex – talk about it and experiment with the things you learn. Share the love – you have nothing to lose. But make sure, as always, you do it safely.
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