It seems someone out there has decided to take on the role of community scammer. Showgirls are being told to go to nightclubs for exclusive photo shoots and when they arrive they find management doesn’t know anything about it.

Vanity and I were told we were a shoo-in for a television commercial but it turned out the organisers just wanted us to do free work, as an audition.

Just last week I got a ripsnorter. It was 4pm on Thursday, and I was planning on a night of surfing porn on the internet.

Out of the blue I received a phone call from what sounded like a very distraught man named David. Maxi, I got your number from a friend. My entertainer has cancelled and are you free to work tonight?

Feeling quite keen to spend my evening reacting to internet porn and knowing that I had work for the next two weeks straight, I asked David if I could think about it and call him back in 30 minutes.

This was after quoting him an amazing booking fee, working on the theory if they want to pay it, then it’s meant to be. After taking down his contact details I asked Vanity’s advice: should I take the booking or not?

Vanity said, Don’t be stupid, do the bloody booking, so off I toddled to confirm my availability.

After three unsuccessful calls, I decided to contact David via SMS: David, it’s Maxi, can do the booking, pls call to confirm in the next 30mins. This is where the whole situation started to smell foul.

Almost instantly I received a call from David: Oh Maxi, can you do it? After he gave me the hotel’s address and finalised the details, it seemed that everything was set.

Now, when it comes to private bookings, I am an old hand at the whole thing. At one stage most of my income came from private one-off bookings so my standard procedure is as follows.

Always ring the hotel you are supposed to be performing at and confirm that there is actually a function there. To my surprise last week, when I rang the hotel, the functions coordinator told me that there was nothing booked at all.

This David had actually booked me hoping I would arrive at this north shore hotel done up like a sore toe, to an imaginary booking.

This is where the twist to this story comes in. After chatting with the functions coordinator of the hotel, I have now been booked for four weeks at full price for one of their other hotels.

It turns out they were searching for someone to host their raffle nights and didn’t know where to find someone.

So my message to this idiot out there causing trouble for fellow showgirls is this: we all know who you are, so tread very carefully. Food for thought: you can’t bullshit a bullshit artist.

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