On public display

Word to the unwise, dudes. If you’re going to shame yourself on a reality TV program, for God’s sake ditch the Gaydar profile before you go on.

In the past couple of months I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about gay men, all because of the huge number of people willing to shop reality TV participant’s dating profiles around.

Now, they could be false -“ some wag might have put up a pic of someone else in the middle of their five minutes of fame and invented their sexual interests. But given that everyone -“ and I mean everyone -“ in the gay community seems to have one of these, I’m believing.

So I now know that Artie from The Biggest Loser is allegedly into armpits, and the new gay on Big Brother says he’s into both denim and suits.

The other Big Brother gay at least had the sense to take his photos down before they got emailed to every Tom, Dick, Stacy and Sydney Confidential.

As uninformed as I am on the whys and hows of gay male sex (I generally stick my fingers in my ears and sing Old MacDonald when the subject comes up) it is my understanding that a gentlemen’s agreement of sorts once existed about these kinds of things.

According to this agreement, if a guy, accidentally or intentionally, came across the profile of a workmate, colleague, friend’s boyfriend or prominent community member, he would look but generally not mention it.

Now, it seems, all bets are off. I have personally been sent unsolicited links to the profiles of all sorts of gays, presenting themselves very differently than they do at functions.

Of course, women have internet profiles as well, they’re just less embarrassingly honest.

A girl is more likely to say Oh, I never know what to write on these things -¦ or I’m just me or I like making friends than I like fisting and outdoor sex with tall men in fireman’s uniforms.

One notable dyke around town tried to sex up women’s dating sites years ago by posting a picture of her torso wrapped in pink rope instead of a picture of her and her dog.

The experiment failed, she said, as only real freaks replied. Actually, her profile’s off-line now. Maybe she’s in Big Brother lock-down?