Open relationship study
A new Australian study will explore the consequences of open relationships between gay men.
Victoria University psychologist Dr Warwick Hosking has started surveying gay men on what types of agreements exist and how strictly they keep to them.
Open can mean all sorts of things. For some it means it’s OK to kiss but no further, for others it’s all things allowed, Hosking said.
It’s not so much whether men are capable of having open relationships but what types of rules they make and particularly whether those rules are stuck to. If they are broken, even minor ones, do they reduce closeness?
A 2004 US-based study found relationship satisfaction was unaffected by whether it was open or monogamous, but dropped when agreements were broken.
info: the survey can be found at http://www.questionpro.com/akira/TakeSurvey?id=1171670
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I know this thread is way old but I was so amused by the pro and anti monogamy mafias that I had to write.
To me it is 100% simple. Have a monogamous or open relationship, be upfront with everyone your partner or anyone you go out with, and stay the hell out of others’ business.
Simple. Sadly no both sides want drama and everyone to know where their genitals are going and then condemn others worse than the Festival of Light after visiting the Toolshed on the way home to hubby.
I personally like both and think it is up to the partners. There are consequences for everything, but ways dealing with this.
God get over it and leave everyone to their own paths and respect their choices instead of being drama queen sticky becks who judge others.
P.S.
Oliver, James, S and Kent, all need to Get A Life !!!
…. OF THEIR OWN !!
Without Honesty and trust no relationship will last for too long, but with honesty and trust Anything is possible !!
I’ve been married for 25 years but 10 years ago discovered I was gay. 5 years ago I told my wife and my 2 kids that I was gay. I was honest and open about it and still have their respect, and even though I no longer have hetro sex, I still share the bed with her. (Ok, that is a bit weird but we both still enjoy the cuddle that she wouldn’t otherwise get elsewhere, and I still love her for the person she is).
They (wife and kids) also know that I have a lover -a single Bi guy, in Sydney, with whom I also have an open relationship. He and I love each other but are not ‘in-love’, but we share much more than the many guys that we meet, together or seperately. Honesty, Openness and Trust have taken my lover and I into areas of transcendant sex, whole body orgasms and sexual meditative states. We can and do share our other unique interests with other people, sometimes together, sometimes not, but never do we feel jealous or resentful of the other. It’s all very healthy. We don’t have to hold back anything so we can be as passionate and wild as we like. The only specification is that it be safe sex as we are both still -ve. But even together we still play safe.
I’ve come across a multitude of open relationship variations and the ones that have used honesty and trust have been the ones that have survived. Long life diversity at all levels !!
And for those who still aren’t convinced and want to stick us all into little boxes with labels on, start thinking OUTSIDE the square for a change!!
The human race is a very diverse and complex living organism. One of the wonders of our existance is that we can create ourselves a life that we choose to live. Those who make their choice to have or not to have an open relationship surely comes down to the individual. Live and let live people.
What I have always loved about the GLBT community is that different love styles actually have a space to operate – this in turns paves the way for the rest of society to become more open minded and tolerant.
Long live the mantras of “consenting adults” and “safe, sane and consensual”!
I am a lesbian in an open relationship. We agreed upon this openness at the start of our relationship and return to the ideals of it every once in a while. We love each other very deeply and are getting married next year. We just don’t see the sense in being monogamous for us, as we both enjoy sex with other people – this openness is one of the things that keeps us together, as if we tried monogamy, we would both be unhappy.
I not love my woman any less for enjoying the bodies of others, and I do not love her any less when I enjoy the bodies of others.
I have to point out that we are both very open about this situation when we meet prospective sexual partners (yes, some are one-nighters, but most are not), so that no one is under any illusions.
It is not a slutfest, we definitely are committed and dedicated to each other, and know the value of love. Open relationships are not for everyone, just as monogamy is not for everyone.
An open relationship,is a SLUTFEST you guys just can’t be dedicated or commited to anything or anyone Be honest with yourself and stop trying to influence the young with your slutty way..
What business is someone’s relationship status is it to anyone?
Anyone who demands that we fall in line to some half baked idea that we meet the expectations for a “general social acceptance” is an organ grinder’s monkey suffering Stockholm Syndrome.
I agree with Oliver….its all you dregs of society who sleep with anything that moves that make it harder for us normal guys who actually know the REAL value of love in a true relationship…wake up Australia
Why should our relationship choices be judged in any way differently because its with the same sex?
Men and women of all persuasions are subject to judgement for diverging sexual and relationship choices and ‘arrangements’ – I think we need to move on from the common call for gay men somehow to prove that they too, astonishingly, can have committed relationships to earn acceptance from outside the LGBT community. I say let’s push the agenda on the offensive – argue for acceptance for everyone’s right to relationship choices without judgement instead!
I have been in an open relationship for fifteen years. It works for us. It’s not an excuse for a slutfest – its an acknowledgement that our sexual desires and needs have moved in different directions over the twenty years we have been together. I don’t love my partner any less than I did when we were sexually monogamous. The trust involved in sexually open relationships tells of that relationship’s strength. And frankly, I don’t want the hetero model of monotony (whoops, monogamy) thrust upon me anyway, thanks. I have always felt that one of the greatest things about being a gay man is that we have been able to make our relationships to suit ourselves and our real lives, without socially imposed prescriptions. We can have our cake AND eat it too. Chow down, I reckon….
If you lie down with lots of strangers – you end up with lots of scabies. Come-on fellas – Get real. The Gay version of the open-relationship is markedly different to that enjoyed by most of our straight brothers & sisters. Let’s have the honesty & guts to start redefining ourselves and the relationships we have with those we love. What happened to commitment, sacrifice, loyalty & honor? I agree with drewby-doo – it’s just a mean and selfish way of justifying an ongoing slutfest. How many of these meaningless dead-roots do we need? And what does it say about us as human beings? It’s not progressive – it’s regressive & ultimately harmful – and we are the biggest losers. I’m angry that as a young gay man I was naeive & selfish enough to embark down the open (& admittedly sometimes not that open) relationship path. It has left many permanent stains on my trousers, my dignity and my soul. Let’s open this subject up to wide-spread community debate before we lose another generation of gay men to this shameful way of life.
I have met so many people online/out there that dont want open relationships at all… I seriously belive that the majority of gay guys do not want open relationships.. I really do..
Yes, how does this fit into the Marriage jacket?
Lets not delude ourselves this is a common occurrence in the straight world. Rather it is a Man thing – straight or gay – most men seek variety.
It’s a safe bet there are not many Lesbians in open relationships.
There is no honour in open relationships. Being a slow learner it took me a long while to find out that most of the guys I wasted many many many hours with while out on the scene were indeed out for a quick fuck with a dumb fuck like me, while the “life-partner” was out of town, at work or walking the dog. No news you might say. In my experience it means the relationship is mort, tne former BF reduced to erotic flatmate/handbag/maid and me reduced to the fuckbud/chump.
Jason – I have nothing to do with the salt shakers. In fact, I’ve never heard of them and don’t know what you are talking about. So no, you are wrong Jason.
It just rather “Hypercritical” when our community screams for equal rights but are quiet as Church Mice when it comes to discussing to an absolute stranger that he’s only going to be used for the night.
If couples intend of having an open relationship at least have the balls to tell the guest “Hey Im already in a relationship,do you mind I have got permission to fuck around?” In other words “Hey bud lets fuck,but when its finished your outta here” at least the “Guest” could think about it first.Would be polite,wouldn’t it? thanks
Chris, you can say all you like and make judgements about me and James but Ill still stand by and express my opinion.
In Gayland, vaccuous and synthetic as it perpetually sadly is, the term ‘open-relationship’ is simply a euphamism for economic living arrangements between ghurlie sisters! This study is just more wasted funding by cloistered academics afraid of the real world! (and, b4 the precious uni bozos amongst us get uptight, i’m a postgrad myself).
Whats the bet that “James” is associated with the Salt Shakers and he’s constantly visitng this website to monitor the gay movement. Am I right James ?
Thanks for the compliments Chris, keep them coming mate.
James – I think you would be surpised at the number of hetrosexual open relationships. Just typing in “open realtionships” on google.com and doing a search gives a strong clue that its alot more popular than one might imagine.
James…you are a ‘weirdo’ also …a ‘straight’ religious nutter who hangs around this gay and lesbian website all day boring us to tears..( along with nanna Oliver),
Sorry Andrew Whitbread-Brown, but straight couple who have open reltionships are generally viewed as weirdos.
if Straight couples have open relationships it is looked on as quaint and unusual. Many gay couples have open relationships but not many are open about it. Stop the judgment and be realistic about it. WE all like sex and sometimes more than a relationship can handle. Many of us do however have strong relationships that are based on trust…
Oh Oliver, you are boring us to tears!!!
Oliver…you ole’nanna…..you are such a bore…
most of us unlike yourself are NOT looking for ‘general acceptance in society’…we are demanding it!!!!
Oliver, why do you say that? It sounds like you are you saying that gay people are more into open relationships than straight people.
Its Gay men who do “Open Relationships” make it harder for our General acceptance in Society.