Over the years I have been brutally honest about myself in these articles. I think if your readers don’t understand a little about you, then how are they going to relate to any stories that you tell? Yes, I have admitted to being an over-eater and also someone that regularly ends up doing something stupid. (We all remember my bum being on TV.) Well, here goes another truth about to rear its ugly head. I am a star-fucker. Yes, I almost wet my knickers every time I see anyone remotely famous. I don’t know why -“ they are only human, like me or you -“ but nothing butters my bread more, so to speak.

Which brings me to The Best Disco In Town on Sunday night at the Entertainment Centre. The posse consisted of head schmoozer Penny Tration, her doppelg?er Tora Hymen and me. We swished in like it was our concert, to applause from many of the crowd, and stood centre of the dancefloor. To say we were three career women ready to rock would have been an understatement. Now the concert was fabulous, with a line-up of Boney M, the Village People, Hot Chocolate, KC and the Sunshine Band and the goddess who is Gloria Gaynor. I have blisters and no voice left from clapping and hooting sooo loudly.

But let’s fast-forward a little. From the start our goal was to meet the performers. We had an insider among us: from previous tours Penny had become a personal friend of the Village People. So by the time we got the green light for our invitations to the after-party to meet the performers, I was almost on a respirator.

With many years of experience in the ancient art of schmoozing, Penny led the way. We soon found out that all the performers could see us plain as day from the stage, one even saying we stuck out like dogs’ balls. (I am still not sure if that was a compliment or not.) As you can imagine, I was in heaven, and have many pictures to prove it.

The next piece of information is sooo hot off the press, I am shaking as I type. After a lengthy chat with Eric, the leather man from the Village People, he let slip that the Village People have been asked to do a few gigs with her majesty Cher and may be touring in Australia with her. But on the same topic I also heard that maybe our own Bob Downe will also be supporting her. My god, and I thought I’d worked myself into a frenzy with Boney M. What happens if I meet Cher?

EYESPY

Could it be that the same showgirl who has allegedly hired a trainer was also asked to leave a designer clothing shop because she ripped and stretched two pairs of slacks? If I was you, darl, I’d always try on something with a good two-way stretch. It works for me.

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