The fag and his hag
KLINTON PORTER
There a few certainties in every gay man’s life. You will remember the first time you kissed the same sex. You will own a Kylie or Madonna album.
And you will have one friend, who’s a girl, whom you will affectionately refer to as your hag. Yes, as sure as the sun doth shine, the female of the species will find a connection to the homosexual of the species.
Why is this so? Perhaps it’s due to women connecting better with someone who has the traits they love in a woman but in a man. Perhaps it’s enjoying not worrying about being hit on and the ability to be natural around someone other than a woman. Or maybe it’s the simple love of men they share.
Who knows, but there are some rules you must follow to keep this odd relationship flowing.
Too many times I’ve seen abandoned hags at the side of the gay dance floor. Sad and alone as their fag has left them to pursue another adventure alone.
Please emphasise to her that nothing will ever happen between you two. Sounds silly but too often gay men are caught in the Will and Grace scenario -” the girl is infatuated with her guy and she clings to the hope of he’ll jump the fence and realise she was the one for him. This, of course, won’t happen. Ever.
Make sure you don’t sacrifice your guy friends for your -˜girlfriends’. It’s nice and refreshing to have a different perspective but only a fellow gay knows what it’s like being gay. As much as they try to think gay guys are just women in men’s shells, we’re still guys.
But most importantly, when you take her out, and I do emphasise this, stay with her for the most part. At a gay bar the odds on you picking up are higher than hers, der, but resist the urge to pawn her off to your friend. Make sure she gets home safe. Make sure she has enough money for a cab. And make sure she doesn’t mind you ditching her.
So just like Madonna and Rupert, Karen and Jack, Carrie and Standford, gay men and straight women will have non-sexual relationships. Now all we have to do is work on the ongoing battle with the lesbians.
