The quiet achiever

The quiet achiever

I was born in Bandung, one of Indonesia’s biggest cities. When I was about 25 I moved to Jakarta to work in advertising. In my early 30s I decided to work overseas for a longer period. In 1999 I got a job in Cairo. Egypt was so different from Indonesia. I had the feeling if I could survive there, I could survive anywhere.

But living in Indonesia and Egypt, I didn’t have access to the gay community, which was very frustrating. I decided to follow another dream, which was to study in New York. I studied film at New York University for about three months in 2000. It was another culture shock moving there from Cairo, but I loved it.

After that I went back to Asia and then in 2003 I came to Sydney. I had gained my Australian permanent residency in 2000. I had already been to Sydney several times and loved it. I wasn’t satisfied with the career- and money-driven lifestyle in Asia. I thought Australia would be very different and saw it as a new challenge.

It took almost 10 months for me to get a job here. That period was a blessing in disguise because I got to understand more about myself and what I wanted.

I began attending social activities organised by ACON’s Asian Project. When I talked more with John Wang, the Asian Project Officer, I realised we both wanted to set up a support group for others from the community.

We set up the group. Listening to people’s stories and accompanying them and sharing a meal have been amazing. John also asked me to train to become a facilitator for the Asian Project. I am still a facilitator. I mostly help with the Asian Project support group and some workshops.

I’m still not out to everyone. I don’t believe in that concept. I believe sexuality is only part of me, like being Asian or having graphic design talent are part of me. I just live my life.

But last year John asked me whether I would be interested in marching with the ACON entry in the Mardi Gras parade. I had been invited to join the New York Pride parade when I was living there but I wasn’t ready. Six years later, at the age of 39, I had a second chance with Mardi Gras.

I told John I’m not out but the more I thought about it, the more I realised it would be good for me and for the rest of the community. I decided to march. I was with the general ACON entry, without any special costume. I didn’t want to wear a mask or a costume. I just wanted to be myself.

The experience was beyond my expectations. We waited four or five hours near the start of the parade route before the parade began. I was really touched by how much effort marchers put in.

I can’t really describe how I felt during the parade. I felt really proud to be part of an organisation that was making an impact. Just being there and participating was wonderful. I had the feeling that I was part of something bigger than myself. I also realised that we need both loud and crazy people and people who are calm in the community.

I thought of it like the spectrum of colours in the rainbow. Some people might be red or orange, which is very loud, and I might be more towards blue. But if there were no blue there wouldn’t be any rainbow. I felt I was on the right track. Everything I had thought of as a curse was a blessing. I didn’t have to be loud or a party boy to influence people.

I was planning to take a break from this year’s Mardi Gras but the Asian Project asked me to get involved and I am marching again. I believe that maybe by being there I might touch other people’s lives.

It has taken me until this point in my life, at 40 years old, to get access to the gay community and proper information and knowledge. In the last couple of years I have made more gay friends than I had for my whole life until then.

Sydney is pretty much my home now. I plan to stay involved in the gay community here. What else would I do? I have received so much more than I have given.

Interview by Ian Gould

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