I’m sure this will get you all laughing, but during the whole Mardi Gras weekend I didn’t sip a single alcoholic drink and nor did I touch any other substance.

Yes, I did it all on adrenaline and I still felt like shit afterwards. You can’t really win can you?

What a Mardi Gras!

I must say -“ first and foremost -“ huge congratulations to Mitzi Macintosh! I haven’t enjoyed the parade as much as I did for years.

I watched it from the bottom of Oxford Street with a gaggle of backpackers (thank you Mark and Dan for the use of your balcony).

Usually parade viewing consists of numerous trips to the toilets and bar but this year I didn’t move from my position during the parade.

Vanity looked amazing as the butterfly, even though there’s some talk of her being typecast. You brought a tear to my eye!

Straight after the parade it was a shimmy up to Stonewall for the show.

As you can imagine cat-swinging was not an option, with patrons squeezed in but somehow still able to dance around like crazy people whenever their favourite song came on.

I’m not sure if performing to such a buzzy crowd was the highlight or having a VIP come especially to see the show was.

I’m talking about everyone’s favourite party girl Anna Nicole Smith.

Not to be outdone by the MTV logos on her tits, I was soon out the back sticking Stonewall logos on my man-boobs.

My re-enactment of her performance of Do You Love My Body soon had her and the crowd screaming for more.

After a quick change and a race out the back door I was off home for two hours sleep before heading to the party for the 10am show.

My entrance to the party was one to remember, falling flat on my arse while Courtney Act stood watching (always the way).

What slippery floors!

The 10am show was an Ashley Shift production so everyone knew it was going to be an extravaganza.

The stage was filled with Sydney’s best showgirls and some newcomers gracing the Mardi Gras boards for the first time, such as Fuchsia Star and Sydney Novotel.

No sooner had we gotten off and out of our costumes I jumped into a car and was raced off to Toybox at Luna Park.

I ran the kissing booth, where if you donated a toy to the Children’s Hospital you had to donate a kiss and a coin (Listerine was provided for those that wanted tongue).

I soon had both money containers full and was a little high on Listerine.

Then straight from the kissing booth to the toilet -“ yes, that’s what I said, the toilet -“ for the toilet show starring myself as B1 and the fabulous Kitty Glitter as B2.

The toilet patrons didn’t know what hit them.

There were bananas eating bananas while dancing around to Madonna. Then another quick change and I was on a bus for a Sydney By Diva tour.

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