My email was bling-blinging like a stuttering rap star on Friday. Had I heard the day’s most amazing news? At the MTV Awards the night before, Madonna pashed Britney Spears, and then, Madonna pashed Christina Aguilera. My fingers sprinted to a website I knew would have pash pictures straight away, and the StarÂ staff all stared in wonder.
That lucky bitch, a voice behind me said. Actually, it was two voices, one male and one female. They were envious of Britney, not Madonna. Even though Britney was the younger and dumber participant and, let’s face it, she’d probably be much less intimidating in the sack than our Madge, she didn’t get the same sort of thumbs up from either the dykes or the dudes. Christina, who seemed to have been pashed as something of an afterthought, didn’t even get a mention.
The most interesting thing about the Madge/Brit pash, which made for shocked and awed news reports all over the world, was how much absolutely everyoneÂ was taken in. Writers called it a timely statement in support of gay marriage. In my circle, one gay boy called it a really powerful image, because of the different generations involved. Or something.
It’s so hot because it’s so goddamn fucking surreal, a mate explained. It’s Madonna, and Britney, in the same picture, and they’re kissing. It’s like it’s been photoshopped by some mad lesbian or some weird straight guy who knows his camp icons.
It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, another friend -“ a man in his 60s -“ said.
Anyway, while I didn’t think it was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen, I agreed that as a picture of a kiss between a couple of straight (or at least in our Madge’s case, married) women it was goddamn hot. But why? I wouldn’t claim to be a particularly big Madonna fan any more, or a Britney fan (then, now or ever) but I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off it. Was it just more Madonna lesploitation, as Sarah from the excellent dykes-in-popular-culture website www.tvandfilmgrrl.com suggested? And did that matter? Did it mean Britney, that fucking ex-Mousketeer with such terrible taste in red carpet outfits, was going to become some sort of dyke icon?
Would quiet lesbians in small North American towns write fan fiction about Britney and Christina (set, perhaps, in a women’s prison)? Would dykes buy a book of staged-sexy pictures of Britney because there was one in the middle where she was kind of looking out of the corner of her eye at a woman who looked a bit like a dyke?
I hope not. Britney has always struck me as relentlessly hetero in the way that our Madge, our Pink and our Angelina never have. Her Madonnapash was one thing, but I can’t imagine she’d be up for a hot session of girl-on-girl. Britney is only human -“ surely there’s not a woman in the world who would say no to Madonna’s lips.