Usually it’s on the beat but sometimes you can do it half beats, odd beats and sometimes there isn’t a beat at all. After this many years, one would think it would get easier. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I need more time.
I’m talking about picking up a dance routine, not some new position I discovered in a recent sex romp.
My work consists of primarily talk-based shows, relying on my personality rather than being able to do a push turn or kick ball change, so when it comes to picking up a new routine it is concentration central. I’m learning choreography for a huge show at the Enmore Theatre, and my head is swimming.
Count to eight, turn, drop and do half that, then do it again. Oh, make it feminine and graceful also, while in a corset and heels. Why you haven’t done a hair flick yet?
Many male dancers dance their clackers off, finishing the number a sweaty mess, which is fabulous when watching boys. Showgirls, on the other hand — there is nothing worse than seeing a sweaty made-up mess gasping for breath on stage.
Whenever I feel myself falling into the dripping category, I remember DIVA legend Ms Tess Tickle. She would be sharing the stage with the likes of Ashley Swift and sexy dancer Michael Boyd, both of whom would be dancing up a treat. Tess would float along beside them, completing all the moves but in a fashion that screamed girly grace. Tess would exit the stage, moist but not dripping from head to toe.
What if you can’t dance at all? You’ve tried and tried, but a count to eight sends you into the fetal position, rocking in the corner.
A showgirl who had the hardest time when it came to dancing was Chelsea Bun. Clicking her fingers, she would enter a trance-like state at the side of the stage before she was supposed to go on. Most times it was at the count of 10 she was on, swirling and swishing, till something/one in the audience caught her attention, then it was all downhill. As soon as the crowd got wind she was on a downward spiral, they would cheer louder. With a goofy smile, Chelsea would attempt to catch up, sometimes successfully. Other times, she fudged it the best she could. The crowd loved it even more.
Chelsea made a career out of not being able to dance so I guess everything can be learned.
I’m off to re-learn which is my right side and left side. Seems I have forgotten that too!

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