No this column isn’t about a new back, sack and crack method. I have been having a reoccurring dream. Every time I dream about it, I feel like I’m on the same corner of the road – but it goes nowhere.
We all have people that we have loved and are no longer with – but how many of us have returned?
I’m not thinking about going back to the family – though trust me, I have a few times. It’s about a guy – isn’t it always?
Did I make an over zealous demand to part our separate ways? Did I misjudge intent before hearing the plea? Could I have lessened my own perspective and allowed another in?
I think it’s healthy to reflect, but now this bloody issue is visiting me in my dreams.
Maybe it’s because we compare the stock that has been, is and could be on offer. If you had seventy percent of the relationship attributes right before, then could that be enough? Why aim for 90?
It’s in hindsight and with current offers on the table you can see the seventy percent probably was about eighty and it made you happy.
However – and that’s a big however – should we settle in the cul de sac of relationships because we can’t find the next road?
Rosanna thinks I don’t put myself ‘out there’ when it comes to meeting people when I’m out. Personally I think I do – and I find it hard work because it wasn’t ever a strong suit of mine. But I do. I’m not sure who I sound like I’m convincing. Okay, I could do more, but we don’t have time for that analysis.
I will say this – gay men are funny beasts, on one hand we say we want depth, yet we only talk to the hot guys. We bring over toothbrushes and watch DVDs after countless dinners, but we don’t want a relationship. We prefer grindr over coffee.
Hopelessly, I will continue trudging these streets, and I will find a way out of the maze.
