Forever young

Forever young

Something eerie happened the other day. A stranger called me sir.

A glance around confirmed she was, in fact, talking to me and that it wasn’t another one of my schisms. I suppose it’s a polite enough thing to say, and I’m sure the nice lass in the deli meant well. But I’m too juvenile to be a sir. A sir wears embossed smoking jackets and carries a chequebook.

As if this wasn’t enough, then came every queen’s nightmare — the discovery of a bald spot. A bald spot! How can this be? I’m Peter Pan. When did I become a prematurely balding, cheque-writing, sir person?

I guess we live in our heads. And I’m 18 there. The onset of Nanna thoughts such as ‘What’s the world coming to?’ should probably have tipped me off. But I’m not so keen on this sir carry-on. Much like ‘champ’ or ‘chief’ and punctuated with blokey winks; these are colloquialisms favoured by bus drivers and the like. I suspect I’m being patronised. About what, I’m not entirely sure.

So is it time for a rug? I can’t wear caps forever, and if I must be follically challenged, I refuse to look like Bert Newton. I don’t really have wrinkles, so cosmetic surgery would just be overkill. Nor am I ready for the slightly startled look.

Tracksuits and combovers can wait. An emergency grooming consult confirmed that less is indeed more, and I now sport a humble buzz cut. I’m still adjusting. Although this must be better than neurotically clinging to the past, strand by strand.

What’s with the fixation with eternal youth though? Pert pecs, strangely fresh faces, and a cornucopia of hair. I’m going to age gracefully if it kills me. I know, I know; you’re only as old as you feel. Life is for the living. Yada, yada.

You May Also Like

4 responses to “Forever young”

  1. Thanks peoples – I was actually being rhetorical posing the fixation question. I’m not really worried about getting old. Really, I’m not, LOL.

    Sorry, been crazy busy, but your feedback is always welcome & appreciated. Cheers for the comments.

  2. Hahaha you crack me up!! I always enjoy these columns. Dont worry about getting older champ. it happens to the best of us!!

  3. Too funny !

    I agree with Rebecca. We are living in a world where we are all judged on the aesthetic before our qualities as people. Therefore we try hanging onto our youth for as long as possible. Just look at drag queens as an example. Some of them can get away with looking pretty on a stage whilst others have to work that extra bit harder. Or look around somewhere like The Stonewall and the twinks ignoring older guys who are probably very nice people with more substance in their little pinky than the product in the young crowds hairstyles !

    You will not have to worry about that anymore though lol

  4. What’s the fixation with eternal youth? you ask, Damien. Simple – we don’t value the experience and wisdom that come with age. We value style over substance, form over content, the pretty and the vacuous over the compassionate and the intelligent. What many of us fail to understand is that ageing is not something that happens only to other people – it’s something that happens to each and every one of us. And there ain’t nothing wrong with it.