What’s the secret to great sex? And come to think of it, what actually is ‘great sex’? For some of us, it could mean a hot, horny encounter with a sexy stranger, while for others it’s a passionate expression of pleasure and emotion with a loved one.
Whatever the definition, there’s a big difference between hot sex and warm sex. Hot sex can be a major turn-on, with the thrill of exploring and conquering someone new. But that thrill can also lose its edge and lead to a pattern of dissatisfaction.
Hot sex also doesn’t generally last forever (as anyone who’s ever been in long-term relationship can testify) and it ultimately burns itself out or loses its charge. But warm sex, on the other hand, can go the distance.
Fulfilling sex is often about touch and connection — but for many of us, this is an area we neglect as the physicality of the act takes over. Sure, sex is about pleasure, escaping thoughts, and letting go. But if we allow it, one of its roles is also to connect us to each other and ourselves with deeper levels of awareness.
Three key ways to connect in sex are via breath, touch and eye contact. (There’s a whole school of anthropology that believes we evolved from ape to human, partly because we were able to look each other in the eyes during orgasm, sparking a leap in consciousness and greater awareness of ‘self’.)
Breathing helps connect us — but it also enables us to collect up and move the ‘charge’ that builds up in our genitals during arousal, instead of leaving energy stuck there. Circulating energy in this way can lead to some of the most profound, blissful states ever experienced.
Here’s a breathing technique to try, which works equally well during either solo or partner-based sex. Called the circular breath, it’s breathing in a continuous flow, with no pause between inhale and exhale. It’s a great way to build and move energy, and intensify sensation and feelings. Simply breathe in and out through the mouth with lips slightly parted, allowing the belly to rise on each exhalation and the breath to just fall out of the body on the exhale. Most importantly, focus on making your breath a complete, unbroken circle.
Experiment with this simple technique and you’re on your way to enjoying a more conscious, meaningful and pleasurable sex life!
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