Last week I mentioned famous guys I have a crush on, which is kinda odd coming from a lez.
If I crush on dudes, doesn’t this mean I’m bi? Labels are things we can only stick on ourselves because only we know the complexity of our own sexuality.
There are so many different levels of human attraction — emotional and physical, romantic and sexual. Some instincts you act on and some are better left to fantasy because the idea is more attractive than the reality.
It’s like lesbians who get off on gay-boy porn or queers who fantasise about straight sex — just because the thought of it turns you on, doesn’t mean you want to ‘go there’.
That said, it’s perfectly cool to taste-test a bit of man/lady lovin’. Very few of us are gold-star-gays who as youngsters had the certainty of a 100 percent homo identity. Most of us had awkward ‘straight’ sex first. Most of us didn’t know what we were doing. Some of us still don’t.
My first sexual experiences were with guys and they definitely weren’t unpleasant, just boring. I didn’t realise how awesome sex could be until I got down with the ladies. It was all the different types of attraction I mentioned earlier coming together at once that made it kickass.
It’s like those free samples people hand out at the supermarket — it totally makes sense to ‘try before you buy’. And to even try again later in life if you want to — after all, tastes change. I used to hate olives, now I love them. Asparagus, on the other hand, is evil and always will be.
I have lesbian pals in their 30s who have hooked up with guys just to double check they’re not missing out on anything. In some instances this has totally reaffirmed their gay identity, in other cases they’ve come out as bi. It doesn’t mean they’ve sold out or are any less queer. It’s brave. Sexuality isn’t black and white.
I think Kinsey was on to something with his hetero/homo scale. At one end you have ‘totes gay’ and at the other you have ‘totes straight’. We all fit somewhere on the spectrum and we all slide around a little bit — be it in our heads or in our beds. I’m totes cool with that.