People can surprise you

People can surprise you

Are you out to your grandparents? I ask this question because Nan was the only person I avoided telling I was gay. Why? I was scared she wouldn’t love me as much and I didn’t want her to have a heart attack.

Nan is stuck in her ways and loves to vocalise her deeply conservative views. Imagine a footy nut yelling at the TV on Grand Final day. That’s how Nan watches the nightly news. Except she disses boat people instead of umpires, calls environmentalists “poofters” and worships Tony Abbott’s athleticism.

I figured if this old fart had such narrow-minded views about the world, she didn’t deserve to know the truth about her only grandkid.

But it wasn’t just me keeping my mouth shut. Even Mum didn’t know how Nan would take it so we decided to omit this small, pesky detail. I guess we figured Nan wouldn’t be around for too much longer so why stress the poor bugger out.

The family even covered for me — I didn’t have a boyfriend because I was a career girl and guys just got in the way. Never mind all those midweek all-nighters spent cruising lesbian bars.

So we were quite surprised the day Grandma Sherlock Holmes called my aunty and asked straight out if I was gay. Not wanting to be the rat, my aunty played dumb — but when asked, Mum confirmed that, yes, Moni was a muff-diver.

Turns out Nan had eavesdropped on a conversation at Christmas where my gayness was the hot topic. She’d been having a “nap” in the next room after Christmas lunch and heard it all. Sneaky. She’d been sitting on this information for months.

Mum called to warn me that Nan knew and that she’d need time to come to terms with it. I was shit-scared so avoided seeing her for weeks.

The day came when I had to face Nan at a family birthday. Reluctantly I walked up to her, uncertain if she’d greet me with the same enthusiasm she always had — so I felt pretty silly when she gave me a big hug and said “Why didn’t you tell me? I still love ya”.

After that day I stopped underestimating old people. And today I live in hope that one day Nan might even vote Green. Shyeah, right.

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4 responses to “People can surprise you”

  1. Sorry to hear that Aaron. Really sad. I hope you have lots of awesome friends in your life who love you unconditionally. From my experience being open with people is what feels right – but if they react in hostile way, they’re the losers, not you. I hope your grandparents come around, but if not, there are people far more deserving of your love and company anyway.

    Jess, sounds like your grandparents are hinting to be told. In your case, telling them might not be as big a deal as you think? Similar to my situation.

  2. I’m happy that your experience had a positive outcome. But the reality is it doesn’t always turn out that way. After losing my parents I lived with my grandparents (I was always very close with them). After I came out at 16 – I have seen them once, at my sisters funeral almost 14 years later. I was told that I was not welcome to come back to thier house after and that I had made my choice to be the way I am. So not all old people are as accepting as you may think and some will go to thier grave believing thier biggoted views are correct.

  3. This is great. I haven’t told my grandparents. I am very close with them, but they are incredibly catholic and I’m too scared. I think my auntie might have told them though, as a few weeks ago Grandpa suddenly came out and said that he thinks gay people should be allowed to get married. And this is after years of me asking him why he disapproves and his response being “I just don’t think its right”… I’m not looking forward to the day that I am in a serious enough relationship that I have to tell them.

  4. I love this. I too was worried about telling the grandparents. They too are fans of watching, and yelling at, the news on the telly, although they do like to yell AT Abbott, which is somewhat comforting. I didn’t tell them, but there came a point where my parents visited and they all had a discussion about how that friend who always came to christmas, and who i ‘shared a house with’ was actually my partner. And the grandparents were ok – apparently there were some lesbians at their church and they were very lovely ladies. And when the aforementioned ‘friend’ left me in heartbreaking circumstances, my biggest advocate was my grandma. She still brings ‘her’ up (in the same tone she reserves for Abbott on the telly) and I am terrified they are going to bump into each other at Barkly Square shops. Heavens.