Put on a fucking condom

Put on a fucking condom

web_CoplandEVERYWHERE I look, bareback sex seems to be new the new trend with gay men. On Grindr, Manhunt, Scruff and Gaydar men are often asking for “raw sex”. There are even dedicated sites.

Bareback parties are a new and exciting trend. We have to take off the condom to make sex “raw” and “exciting”. How fucking stupid!

A report from a little while ago from the Kirby Institute showed a marked increase in Australia of STIs, with HIV infections increasing by a whopping 10 per cent. After years of successful campaigns to reduce the levels of STIs, the trend is now reversing, and at a very worrying pace. The research said that the gay male community is one of the reasons for this.

Professor David Wilson said: “HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was. With good, effective treatments, it can keep people alive to almost a full life expectancy. So I think it’s perhaps a little bit of complacency that’s set in.”

He continued: “Unfortunately it does appear that, particularly in the gay community, condoms are not being used as much.

“And we’re seeing that particularly among the young men, those in their twenties, those that weren’t exposed to a lot of the public health campaigns of the eighties and nineties.”

I repeat, how fucking stupid!

I mean, I get it. I understand that we don’t see HIV as a life sentence anymore. As someone in my 20s, I missed the campaigns that were around in the 80s – the campaigns that made it clear how bad these diseases can be. With this perception I guess I can see a mindset in which bareback sex is seen as a risk worth taking. I can see how you could think that it makes sex more exciting, more worthwhile, more thrilling.

But really it is just a stupid thing to do.

There is nothing edgy, exciting or enthralling about STIs. They are serious. They have real life impacts hurting you and the people around you. HIV is an infection that requires life-long treatment treatment that can often have very negative side-effects. Other STIs can cause infertility, reduced sexual performance and other often very painful symptoms. There is nothing at all edgy, exciting or enthralling about that.

And because of that there is nothing ‘vanilla’ about wearing a condom. It isn’t about taking away the excitement of sex, or even making it less enjoyable. It isn’t about being boring or ‘taking away the fun’. It is about making sure you don’t catch a disease or infection that could stick with you for life. It is about making sure that one sexual encounter doesn’t leave you with a life-long disease or illness.

The bareback sex trend is stupid. And it should be called out as such.

It’s as simple as that. For yourself, your family, and your friends, just put on a fucking condom.

Co-founder of HIV-positive social umbrella Nic Holas has written a response to Simon Copland’s piece. Click here to read it.

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26 responses to “Put on a fucking condom”

  1. And what? Also heterosexuals have bareback parties . Get tested too late many studies show clearly that most heterosexuals men have barebacksex with prostitutes . And yes there are sites where they register to find adresses of prostitutes that like it bare and yes there are also many heterosexuals that want to get infected with HIV and do you know what ? OHH THERE ARE SITES WHERE HETEROSEXUALS MEET TO GET INFECTED WITH HIV
    IT IS NOT ONLY THE HOMOSEXUALS THAT DO BAREBACK! HOW STUPID!
    IT IS ALL SEXUALITYS ENJOY BAREBACK ! BUT MEDIA ONLY WRITES ABOUT GAYS!
    AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT? GAYS GET TESTED MUCH MORE THAN HETEROSEXUALS ! THE MORE TESTS THE MORE INFECTIONS FOUND !

  2. In all fairness, yes, I understand, put a rubber on, its the ‘safe’ thing to do.

    Now let me skip to my point… many of the increased numbers I see in guys seeking raw sex are the ones starting new treatments that prevent HIV. Take Truvada, AKA, PrEP. Great success rate (even prevents a stream of HEP), even doctors use it if they become ‘at risk’ b/c of a needle or failed surgical glove, etc.

    I myself have been using the treatment at least 9 months without side-effects. My bone density is normal, my sex drive is normal, and none of the many gross or uncomfortable side effects that all so many drugs go on about. I am having more sex, both protected and not, but I am feeling a less self conscious about my decisions, in fact, I feel happier in life!

    Barebacking is not a new fad, it has always been around in great number. Now that there are so many meeting/hooking up sites, it is just being exposed, and more people are open about it. People know what they want, might as well announce it than beat around the bush!

    • Studies on the effectiveness of PrEP’s like Truvada have proven inconclusive as a fail-safe preventative tool. You are still risking infection. But then, the only safe sex is no sex, right?

  3. We need more people judging and blaming within the community. No mention of PrEP too! More hyst! eria and finger poining & less rational debate!

    • Ummmmm, just wondering if whats a typo?
      Did you mean “We DO NOT need more people judging and blaming within the community”

  4. What an obnoxious, one-sided, ill-conceived piece of journalism; it puts one of John Laws’ diatribes to shame.
    How dare you publicly castigate people using words such as “stupid” and even “fucking stupid” to describe peoples conscious, informed and deliberate decision whether or not use a condom during penetrative sex.
    Imagine what action the HR department of any large corporate would take if you described a colleague in those terms – you’d be out on your ass the same day. But it’s ok for you to belittle your peers, people who actually lived through the horror days of the 80’s & 90’s, their opinions and their absolute right to chose, in print without fear of reprisal.
    You and your “published opinion” didn’t even have the consideration or make the effort to discover why some people choose not to use a condom. Instead you document your opinion based on your immature assumptions where you “guess you can see a mindset where….”.
    What qualification do you have that makes you think you’re the authority to comment and judge nationally on such a complex decision? I can only assume that you are totally conversant with the impact of mans most primal instinct on survival and procreation, on each persons individual reasoning, on each persons circumstances and their logic – all of which is considered when a decision whether to be intimate with another and to use or not to use a condom?
    Get off your soapbox and actually understand the topic that you’re offering such a public, national “informed” opinion of.

    Shame on you Star Observer for publishing something so superficial and with such a lack of understanding. Shame.

    • I agree NRoss. The treatment of this important topic is being trivialised here, and dangerously so, by the lack of research-driven, informed information an article such as this should contain. Speaking to such a large audience, the SSO has a duty to publish thoughtful, fact-focussed, research-led information when talking to its readers about hiv. Not simplistic juvenile crap like this. This article speaks loudly of the lack of HIV education reaching our youth, as Mr Copland is in his mid-20s. He appears to think that the choice not to use condoms lies soley in the pursuit of pleasure. I can assure you, Mr Copland, that this choice is an extremely complex one, involving a multitude of variables from the emotional to the physical. Informed adults everywhere are out there, educating themselves and making balanced decisions, based on their assessment of these variables. I suggest you do the same before you next put finger to keyboard.

    • “conscious, informed and deliberate decision whether or not use a condom during penetrative sex”?? Ive only done it without a condom once. I really didnt put much thought into the decision! My partner didnt want to use a condom, we probably didnt have any handy, and I really wanted him. It was an impulse decision. I dont think the author of the article intends to blame people for what they have done in the past. I think he’s encouraging people like me, to think a bit more before not using protection in future.

    • A “conscious, informed and deliberate” decision can still be a stupid one. I don’t really understand what your point is. Besides, there generally isn’t data on the reasons why people choose not to use condoms. I mean, there’s some, if you look for it, but it’s pretty vague. It really comes about as close as this article or your diatribe in response to a genuine reason why. It’s basically an excuse list. Like, we didn’t have any around, my partner wanted it bare (see other comments here), or worse. I belong to a forum on which this question was asked. “Why do you like to get breeded?”, i.e. why do you behave like a bareback slut… Here’s a bit of a cross section of answers from men of varying age groups (ages given are genuine, names are fictional for privacy purposes).

      Tom, 41
      “I don’t why but I like to get breeded also”

      Greg, 29
      “I think it’s the idea that its somewhat considered “taboo” something you shouldn’t do. Added to that the desire to have the full feeling of a hot dude squirting inside you, the idea of your ass is able to get someone off is why I love it.”

      Joseph, 57
      “The feeling of getting bred, a cock pumping in cum in my hole while I open it wide for the cock to go as deep as possible, is just amazing. Once the guy is gone and if he pumped a big load, I can feel feel it inside as well as leaking out. Also an amazing feeling. But anon pump & dump scenes are in my opinion the best.”

      Philip, 29
      “Because my ass wants to be owned. Even when he shoots so deep that I can’t feel it inside, the mindfuck of having my hole claimed and used – that is what I crave.”

      Troy, 42
      “Because sex is all about intimacy and feeling the connection between the people involved. That includes everything from the initial fumbling and groping, the locking of lips as we play “tonsil hockey”, his cock pressing against my bbutt teasing me with what’s to cum. The connection as we move in unison building up to climax. Having him collapse hard against me in exhumation as he floods my insides with that nice thick load as deep as he possible can, then continues to fuck me further until his cock slowly starts to deflate.
      Then wraps his arms around me slavering the moment until his cock naturally retracts of its own accord.”

      Stuart, 33
      “:) do we need a reason? just love it.”

      Reece, 28
      “combination of the rush of the taboo and having something of the guy left in you”

      Fabian, 31
      “I’m usually not so much into the one on one thing: I go to cruising areas, gay bathhouses, adult video stores or sex parties and try to get as many loads as possible. I guess the big turn on for me is the “dirty little secret” when I’m sitting in the train or so after a session and feel the cum of several guys I don’t really know (and sometimes even haven’t seen at all :-)) dripping out while people around me just go on with their ordinary conventional life.”

      Tyrone, 31
      “i get off knowing the top is getting off using me and my hole to get himself off. i never care if i cum, and frankly most tops don’t either, so I get off knowing the top is getting himself off and is using me to do it. i usually jack off after he has left while fingering my sloppy cum fucked hole and blowing my huge load all over myself.”

      Lewis, 21
      “Love getting pounded hard. And love the feeling of a warm load leakibg out of my ass”

      So yeah, don’t fucking tell me that there’s plenty of reasons. There were dozens of other responses to the question that I could have posted — all of them in the same vein. Fundamentally, some of the answers point to psychiatric problems and the guy responsible for the comment should probably be in therapy. But generally, across all of them, there’s a tremendous amount of straight up stupidity to the whole thing. Sorry, but it is. It’s stupid. “I like the feeling”? Sorry, not good enough. People who “like the feeling” should pay for their own fucking medication when they get infected, instead of relying on others to do it for them (charities, governments, etc).

      The only people whose decision is really a conscious, informed and deliberate decision and who are not also still idiots despite their “information” are those that don’t use condoms with supposedly monogamous partners. The only problem here, is that unfortunately it often turns out that monogamy in the gay community is a complete myth – which speaks to what I said in my previous comment on this article: the problem isn’t so much whether we are going bare or safe, the problem is how our community uses sex in general. I know, I know, you’re going to say I’m practically homophobic or that things are just bad in the straight community. Both would be total bullshit. There IS a problem with how most gays use sex. It’s pathetic, lecherous, often selfish, often risky, often destructive. This is why I couldn’t give a shit about gay marriage. I can’t think of a gay guy who could have a successful one. I think we should all be granted the right of gay marriage but not gay divorce. But that’s another debate.

      How we are having sex is a big problem, and you can get all technical and PC if you like…but that the end of the day the choice to bareback is a stupid one, period.

    • Yes the article was one sided, but its a side that the gay community does not see or hear nearly enough.

      I agree we need to try to avoid further stigmatising, but at the expense of those who will be infected because we insist on treading so gently around this issue? The main objective is to prevent further HIV and STIs spreading. Using the term ‘fucking stupid’ may very well be effective in preventing further HIV infections. Without raw data its all just speculation.

      We do need something powerful to combat a) people’s apathy, and b) the normalisation of bareback sex. I’m not sure if normalising the taking of calculated risks will prevent much at all, apart from guilt suffered from those who have taken those risks. A calculated risk is still a risk. Its the calculated risk taker who is just a little more responsible than he who doesn’t make any considerations at all before disrespecting themselves and others in the heat of the moment.

      And the ‘you don’t know me so don’t judge me’ argument doesn’t fly in any other areas of the community when it comes to risk taking that affects others (eg smoking, drink driving – and btw, see: the largely successful “bloody idiot” campaigns…). One PEP treatment costs thousands. Who pays for it? Its everyone’s right to have their informed opinion on this issue, because it affects everyone.

      Choosing not to wear a condom is a personal choice and I agree there are many reasons why people choose not to. I choose not to for my own reasons but the day I test positive, I won’t baulk at an article which tries to send a message to young gay men that bareback sex is generally a stupid thing to do.

  5. I have HIV, and I contracted this from a long term partner, whom I trusted and loved and wanted to share the ultimate intimacy with and it left me devastated. However it opened my eyes to a different reality. It’s interesting to note that most transmissions occur between two people in the home, not out at bareback sex parties, where most of the time people are made aware of the HIV status of the people involved as per state law. I really think it’s up to the individual to be educated and assess the risk of activity. Sometimes a condom is not the answer. Don’t get me wrong, I have a negative partner and I would never put him at risk so I always wear a condom. I am also on medication and undetectable viral load which makes it 96% less likely to pass on even when not using a condom. In the wider world it is about each person assessing the risk of their own activity and pleasure. Not for anyone to dictate how to live their lives. As long as you wear a condom, what is it to you what everyone else enjoys? Also these parties have always been around, just more widely seen now because of the Internet, this is not a new trend.

  6. A great article.

    I have no idea why anyone would practice bareback sex with anyone other than a long-term monogamous partner.

    I agree barebacking with randoms is fxxking stupid and if people in our community practiced safer sex by wearing condoms with casual partners we would be winning the fight against HIV/AIDS.

    Lets look after ourselves and each other by practising safer sex and lets make HIV/AIDS a thing of the past.

  7. I’m in NZ and I see the same kinds of things. But if you want to know what else I think is causing this – it isn’t just the fact that we are now told that HIV is treatable and people can live full lives sometimes. I’ve chatted to guys who have had HIV for over 30 years and are in good health. It’s very impressive and the thought does cross my mind that, hey, maybe it’s not so scary. But scary isn’t the issue. Death isn’t even the issue. Whether you’re treated or not, you get ill. The side effects of the medications are abhorrent. Ask any man living with HIV.

    But…I’ve digressed. I think, too, it’s gay culture in general that is screwing this up. Everywhere we look in the gay community, it’s sex-sex-sex. Young gays grind scantily clad against one another every other weekend in gay bars. Every gay event involves half-nude, sexualized content. Drag queens continuously make (albeit tedious as hell) sex jokes.

    In NZ we have a gay magazine called Express. Every single time you pick it up it has ads throughout it promoting safe sex and indicating where sexual health clinics are, all of them paid for the tax payer or charity. But right alongside those are ads for gay bars, sex-on-site venues and there’s even sometimes reviews of the venues. It’s like, jesus christ. Why does every aspect of gay culture have to be about sex? I find it nauseating and, frankly, pathetic. But then we are a pathetic community full of airheads and party animals. What do we expect?

    It’s a simple equation.
    HIV Treatable + Rampant sexualized gay culture = young dumb and full of cum.

  8. Luckily for me I find the concept of getting faeces on my dick disgusting…I would never do it without one and I don’t take it…so it’s easy for me

    • In what respect? How can methamphetimine have a lot to answer for? The responsibility lies with the person that is consuming the substance. I know plenty of people that consume recreational substances who can still think clearly enough to say “no” to unsafe sex?
      Why not blame ecstacy?
      Why not blame GHB?
      Why not blame a number of other substances that fill the consumer with a sense of euphoria?
      Why blame meth?

      • In terms of barebacking, meth appears to be worse than other mind-altering substances. It makes people horny as hell, and it makes them not care about the consequences of their actions.
        I’m not saying that everyone who uses meth then goes on to barebacking, but a lot of high risk barebacking (such as group and sauna sex) involves meth use.

  9. I don’t get what you’re saying. If everyone wore a condom we wouldn’t have HIV. And if everyone ate right we wouldn’t have diabetes. And if everyone covered their mouths when they sneezed we wouldn’t have colds. And if all this were true we wouldn’t be human. You should be angry at a disease not an inflicted group of people. In no other area of human disease do we talk about people like this. Guy gets cancer we don’t go ‘put fucking sunscreen on’.

    • Actually, all the illnesses you listed (including HIV) have multiple ways of being transmitted or acquired, some much more avoidable than others, and he isn’t saying that if you bareback and get an STI you should be refused treatment, he’s saying it’s easily preventable and no matter the attraction of fucking raw, the risks far outweigh the rewards. And we actually do tell people to “put fucking sunscreen on”. That type of public awareness health campaign are way more common that the safe-sex kind.

    • You’re incorrect about diabetes, and eating right. It isn’t that simple.
      You’re incorrect about how the cold/flu virus is spread. It isn’t that simple.
      I’ve been getting told to “put fucking sunscreen” on since I was a kid.

      • Just as this article is incorrect about condoms and the reasons why people don’t use them (e.g. “taking away the excitement of sex” etc.). To borrow your own words DanB – “it isn’t that simple”. I’m surprised the SSO would publish such a ill-informed, juvenile, myopic, simplistic opinion on such an important and incredibly complex issue.

    • How is being “angry at the disease” going to solve anything? A virus that effects the immune system, is not going to be receptive to your anger. His anger is directed at the people who flout the basic task of covering their penis with a condom. Why is that hard to understand for you?

  10. You really only went halfway here. By this i mean you missed the real issue of cause. You attributed it to complacency. Men of all people don’t think, “oh hey, you know what, aids is not a death sentence anymore, so let’s forget the rubber”. The attraction is, it feels better without. But then it always has. The real issue I’m getting at is, PORN. Porn used to show protection as mainstream. Now it is so accessible that raw is mainstream. This is the real issue that is making it more seemingly acceptable in real situations, and you didn’t even bring it up!
    There needs to be some attempt to censor raw porn. Make enough of a barrier then only a small group will climb over. There is no barrier atm.

  11. “Bareback parties are a new and exciting trend”. I don’t think they are new and or an exciting “trend” they have been happening for many decades. Putting on a condom makes sex safer, it dosnt make it safe. Likewise putting on a condom dosnt stop the transmit of STI’s. Oral sex is still a very easy way to transmit and infect your sexual partners.

    • Nothing is completely safe. The use of condom greatly reduce of contracting STI’s, that’s the whole point. Respect for yourself and everyone around you. Bareback parties may not be “new” but its circulation and exposure is a whole new level. In this digital age with a greater reach and more people to tempt at the palm of our hands, its not hard to see why it’s seen as new.

      • In some respects being able to communicate with someone via technology can make it easier to discuss HIV status, as opposed to meeting them out and about, where face to face contact and such topics can be awkward for some – but I see your point.