As a serial monogamist, I often wonder if my piercings and tattoos are there to mask the fact that I’m actually a conservative, boring human being.
The idea of being in an open relationship makes me uncomfortable despite the fact many couples seem happy sharing the love around.
In theory I get it — monogamy is a social ritual considered normal in the same way girls wear pink, boys wear blue, they fall in love and get married.
Secondly, we have intimate relationships with people who aren’t our lovers on many different levels so why should a physical sexual exchange be harder to accept?
Thirdly, it’s unrealistic to think one person can satisfy your every desire forever, which is why relationships break up — so if everyone’s cool with it why not have multiple partners simultaneously?
And finally, open relationships are the most truthful as monogamy forces us to suppress our natural sexual urges for other people. As a queer, I’m used to fucking with convention, so what am I afraid of?
Call me old-fashioned but the idea of my partner sleeping with someone else breaks my heart. For me, the depth of intimacy that comes with an exclusive sexual relationship outweighs a fling with a random hottie.
While casual sex is exciting it’s largely about ego. I’ve come to realise the best sex is about letting go and I can’t do that with someone I don’t know very well.
Aside from the practical dilemmas (what if both your lovers’ birthdays fall on the same day?!), there’s a part of me that suspects some people open up their relationships because they’re not with the right person.
Break-ups suck, so rather than ripping off the Band-Aid quickly, they test the waters of single life with the security of a partner to fall back on — so many people’s emotions at stake.
Sexuality isn’t as clear-cut as being gay or straight, so I totally get that relationships can be more complicated than just being monogamous or polygamous. You may have a primary partner and fuck buddies, more than one gf or bf with whom you are totally in love, or just some folks you like to mess around with.
I guess the key to any healthy relationship is being open and honest with yourself and articulating what works for you. Right now I just want another tattoo.
By MONIQUE SCHAFTER