The faumosexuals strike back

The faumosexuals strike back

web_sophieIf there’s one thing that pisses me off, it’s straight girls who lez it up in public just to get attention. I want to make it clear that I’m not bagging out bisexuals here. Bisexuals are not fake lesbians, they’re multi-talented like people who can text with both hands.

The latest fauxmosexual culprit is Aussie actress and ex-Bardot member Sophie Monk. An LA billboard shows her straddling another half-naked woman while clasping an ‘erect’ bottle of designer champagne. Sure, she’s getting paid for it, but c’mon, don’t you think that gimmick’s a bit old now?

Remember Madonna and Britney pashing at the 2003 MTV awards? Gross. The only time Britney was hot was when she went nuts and shaved her head.

Or flash back to 1999 – who can forget Russian pop duo Tatu? Tatu translates to “This girl loves that girl”. Bullshit. They didn’t love each other. They revealed in a doco in 2003 they were straight.

They just had a clever manager who marketed them as school-girl lesbian lovers to sell records. Stop capitalising on my sexuality, ya bastards!

And another sneaky one, Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page pashing in Marie Claire a few years ago to promote the roller derby film, Whip It. I don’t care if they’re ‘bi-curious’ or whatever, they didn’t even get it on in the film. Ripped off.

When asked about the photo, Drew said, “it’s nothing more than two friends having fun, like “lovable puppy dogs”. WTF?

Of course there was the time try-hard lesbian incest twins The Veronicas posed suggestively for an FHM photo shoot. Sooo creepy.

And Sandra Bullock had two cracks at fake gayness. First she went and planted a big sloppy kiss on Meryl Streep’s lips at the Critics’ Choice Awards in 2010. Then she tried her luck with the younger (and hotter – only in terms of the guys who get off on this shite) Scarlett Johansson.

But what was most funny about this incident was that FHM responded to it with an article titled “Has Lesbianism Become Boring?” Ladies, when the men’s mags are saying they’re over it. It’s time to move on.

Has-beens and nobodies have been doing this fauxmosexual crap for years and all I can say is fake lesbians suck, well cock. Yes I’m talking to you Katy Perry you celesbian leech. Who despite having a string of famous boyfriends once said: “I have a soft spot for women… If any of my boyfriends ever fail me, I’ll turn to them. Some women walk into the room, and they’re so beautiful and you’re like: ‘I wanna smell you,’ you know?”

Lesbians: The last resort for straight women done wrong.

INFO: You can follow Monique Schafter on Twitter @MoniqueSchafter

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