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- Category:
- Soap Box
- Author:
- Phil Scott
- Posted:
- Wednesday, 6 August 2008
Are there gay jobs? We know the old stereotypes: fashion photographers, hairdressers, airline stewards — we all watch the same sitcoms.
I recently reviewed a DVD of a Spanish musical (La Verbena de Paloma, if you must know), written in 1894 but updated for today. The character of the uncle, who used to sit in the town square drinking coffee and handing out advice, had morphed into … guess what? A swishy, limp-wristed hairdresser, blow-drying the diva and spitting out gossip.
How must straight hairdressers feel when confronted by this image? It must bring on a total hissy fit. So unfair, when you consider how gay the IT industry is.
No one thinks of plumbers as poofs, but some are. I once hired one to do a job. (No unblocking pipes jokes, please.) He stayed for sex. His dog curled up on the bedroom floor to watch, which was a little off-putting. The bloody dog’s tail didn’t wag either, which I took as personal criticism.
My point is you can’t attach a gay label to one particular job, and a straight label to another. You can’t even claim that sex workers in the male-to-male line are gay — although they are. They only say they’re not because it sounds hot.
Yet there are some jobs around currently being performed by straight men that should be done exclusively by homosexuals. (I don’t mean a blow job, although I guess that counts.) I heard about one recently.
A friend of mine works at night, so he qualifies for a part-time job requiring him to be available during the day. He simply applied online and was hired. He asked me to guess what this occupation was, but I couldn’t.
“Well,” he said, “you’ve heard of clock watchers? I’m a cock watcher.”
Oh really, I thought? Who isn’t?
The difference being: he’s paid for it. Sportsmen, such as footballers, swimmers, Olympians etc, are required to give urine samples on a regular basis. To make sure they don’t substitute drug-free piss for their own, someone has to clock them doing it.
Someone has to verify that the urine specimen passed from the actual, live athlete’s dick into the wee plastic jar.
The rules are clear. The athlete’s shirt has to be higher than his nipple line, and his pants and underpants have to be right down, or preferably off. Most athletes tend to take their tops off too: it’s risky aiming at one end and trying to keep your shirt up at the other.
The rules recognise that pissing in the presence of a stranger may cause muscles to clam up, so the athlete is encouraged to nominate the time and place. This usually means a few non-alcoholic bevvies at the local, then off to the men’s room to produce the goods because he really needs to.
Naturally, my friend does not present as a camp hairdresser. He comes over more like a retired P.E. teacher or swimming coach. That’s a small price to pay, if you ask me!
Tags: athletes, drug testing, olympics, Phil Scott
August 23rd, 2008 @ 10:22 pm
“The athlete’s shirt has to be higher than his nipple line,”
Good job for one of us shirt-lifters!