YOU know how there are those questions you should never ask?

Questions like: ‘How do gay people have sex?’ or, ‘are you pregnant?’ or even, ‘should you guys be allowed to get married?’. And yet, after caving from peer pressure, Malcolm Turnbull is still going ahead with the plebiscite, with the possible question being: ‘do you approve of a law to permit people of the same sex to marrying?’ as reported by The Guardian.

Am I not the only one who finds this possible question a rhetorical disaster? Well, thankfully, according to Twitter, I am not the only one.

But I want to find a better way to word this question, one that is simpler, rhetorically sound, and avoids political tone. Here is my list:

Do you accept same sex marriage?
This is so simple and so easy to understand. It falls under the “Keep It Simple Stupid” (KISS) idea, created by the U.S. Navy in 1960, which makes “most systems work best if they are kept simple rather than made complicated”, according to Wikipedia. And ‘accept’ is much better than using the word ‘approve’, because, let’s face it, the LGBT community doesn’t really care if they approve.

Do you believe religion should be able to deny human rights and dignity to anyone?
Sure, it may not get us the marriage equality we deserve, but it can give us greater ground for what we want. Because essentially, the main groups opposing our right to same sex marriage, are somehow involved with religion. Groups like the ACL, who have recently asked for leniency on discrimination during the campaign, and also asked for $15 million of taxpayer money to promote their case.

Should the government do their job and vote for it themselves?
Former High Court justice Michael Kirby would much prefer this question, considering this is one of his reasons against the plebiscite. According to Sydney Morning Herald, Kirby said: “[This plebiscite] will mean any time that there is something that is controversial, that’s difficult for the parliamentarians to address or they don’t want to address, they’ll send it out to a plebiscite.”

Do you really care what two people, regardless of gender, consensually do together?
What a great question to ask, since – as we all should agree – unless they are involved (even voyeurism), then why should they care? The only way my gay marriage would affect someone else, is if they are involved in some way. And if they’re not, then what’s the point of them questioning?

If a same sex couple gets married, and you are invited to the wedding, what do you buy them for a wedding gift?
a) Matching pillowcases
b) A wine rack
c) The complete collection of Friends
d) Winter bedsocks
e) I don’t know any same sex couples

This question works two-fold. As well as finding out what people think about same sex marriage, it also helps us understand what people would buy, hence know where to put your money on the stock market. And it’s quite interactive, too.

Should all Australians over the age of 18 have the right to marry?
A much more inclusive question to ask, since “same sex” isn’t really including all genders, because intersex, and trans* in some contexts, cannot be classified as exclusively male or female. And that age 18 part is to keep those “child marriage” debaters from spouting their irrational fears.

Do you approve of two people of the opposite sex to marry?
If we the LGBT community have to have a vote on whether we should be allowed to marry, it only seems equal to ask the same for straight people.

Is it morally acceptable to win an argument through discrimination during a plebiscite campaign?
This one also may not lead us towards the marriage equality we deserve, but it may help the ACL understanding why it’s a bad idea to ask the government to allow them to be discriminatory.

Do you think Malcolm Turnbull would allow same sex marriage if he had a different cabinet?
This is a wonderful question for our current prime minister, as it will hopefully give him much more reason to deal with same sex marriage in parliament with a simple free vote, rather than asking all of you to question it for him.

Would you change your mind if the result of this non-binding national survey goes against your opinion?
This would be good as an add-on question, since – and I am assuming here – Malcolm Turnbull wants to know if we will get along with our lives if same sex marriage was allowed. Or if, God forbid, someone will stay against it, and continue to fight against it.

Do you have a better question? Hashtag #BetterPlebQuestions and tell us what you think!

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