I am like a young boy coming home to mum after an exciting day at school: And then, and then, and then -¦ So much to talk about and I am not sure where to start.

Okay, so I won’t implode, let’s start at the top. As I am sure everyone is aware, I was lucky enough to be involved in the Virgin Atlantic launch last Wednesday and Thursday. I guess the excitement of meeting Sir Richard Branson had my knickers in a twist. If I believed just half of the rumours, I would have also been sharing the stage with names such as Kylie and Robbie. After all the hype and with the majority of the proceedings cloaked in secrecy, the rumours just added to my excitement.

The gala party doubled as an opportunity to show off Virgin Atlantic’s new Upper Class. All the showgirls where treated to all the privileges associated with upper class, each arriving in their own individual limo, which hooted on arrival, creeping through the sea of people, eventually parking in front of the world’s media, then escorted by burly security to Sir Richard’s side. With so many flashes going off, it was like the New Year’s Eve fireworks right in front of my face. But like a trouper I rose to the occasion, posing and presenting like a pro.

As for the high-profile celebrity performers, we didn’t have Kylie Minogue and Robbie Williams as such -“ more like two dancers from Marrickville, Kylie Roberts and Robbie Morris. But that is not to say there weren’t celebrities present. We all know how much of a star-fucker I am -“ well, last Thursday was no exception. Splashed all over Saturday’s Telegraph for all and sundry to see was Lleyton Hewitt going to second base with me. I later discovered I was only used as a beard for Bec Cartwright and him. I was manhandled in front of so many, and didn’t even get a kiss goodbye. Let’s hope I don’t fall pregnant. Blair from Neighbours and Big Brother, Allanah Hill, Cosima and Michael (the sexy dancer from Dancing With The Stars) -¦ the list goes on. I was like Vanity’s dog Toto chasing his own tail.

Once all the free booze and food had gone and my shoes started to feel like I was wearing cheese graters on my feet, it was time to say goodbye to the lifestyles of the rich and famous. The scary thing was I started to get used to the pampering.

EYESPY My Carrie Bradshaw fantasy has been fulfilled. For the Kings Cross Street Fair I was asked to do a reading from a novel based on Kings Cross. Let’s face it, the start was shithouse -“ I was so nervous I sounded like a school kid reading the homework he’d done on the bus. After warming up, I was off like the clappers. What a camp life we live!

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