The science of selecting underwear

by KLINTON PORTER

Generally speaking, it’s the first part of clothing we put on, and the part that turns most people on, but did you know your underwear can say a lot more about you than you think.

So the sun has come up in the morning and is blinding you. The guy you met just last night turns to you and whispers, I’ll just go and get something for breakfast which is code for I had a great time and want you to stay a little longer.

You turn to him and say, I’ll jump in the shower while you’re gone which is code for Get out so I can snoop around .

It’s not nice to go through people’s things so if you must go on a hunt for something incriminating while you are there, avoid touching or moving anything too obvious or you are sure to be caught out.

If a cupboard just happens to be open or a door handle accidentally gets turned and pulled open, your eyes may peer in as you get up to close them.

There’s no need to search like a person possessed -“ you don’t really think you are looking for something that will lead you to believe he’s a serial killer -“ or are you? Chances are you won’t be finding the rotting corpse of an ex in the wardrobe, or blood stains on the carpet.

But once they are out the door, chances are you are going to head straight for the underwear drawer.

The type of underwear a person wears is a good indication of the type of person you have met.

If you pull open the draw and see jocks you have found yourself someone who likes to exercise control in their relationships. The jockey people also tend to like things organised and logical.

The plus side is that in the bedroom they are very passionate and know their way around a person’s body.

If you open the drawer and find a collection of boxers and trunks, chances are this person likes their relationships to be loose, free and relaxed.

for the boxer wearer, taking it easy and going with the flow is their way of life. They’re good listeners and don’t like to argue.

In the bedroom they’re the ones who like to play out their fantasies and suggest -“ or just do -“ the moves you usually only ever see in a porn flick.

But what happens if you find a drawer full of jockstraps? It seems you have found yourself a man of confidence.

These people don’t need validation, nor do they worry about what people think of them. To them appearances are everything and that means in the bedroom they tend to admire their reflection in the ceiling mirror before they even think about pleasing you between the sheets.

This can prove problematic -“ but solutions can be negotiated over time -“ if you are willing to put in the effort.

And if you are one of those people who discovers a drawer full of ladies’ underwear -“ strap yourself in and prepare for the rise of your life -“ there’s an adventure opening up before you and you need to be prepared.

So forget body language .. that is so last century. the new language speaks from the top drawer of the bedside chest and it speaks loudly.

Forget things like brands and patterns -“ while they play an important role in the message, they only add more depth to the basic language of underwear style.

But don’t get too carried away. Remember, people are still individuals and capable of surprise. As my mother always said, it’s what’s inside that counts -“ and I don’t think she was talking about the drawers.