Inch Gate
Most of us have been there before – you pick up a guy from one of those adult websites or gay chat apps, he promises something that is way above the average inch measurement, and you get there, and… Disappointment, he lied! I call this, ladies and gentlemen (more so the gentlemen on this one), #inchgate.
Now let me get a few things out there – yes I am single, yes I occasionally frequent these sites and apps (when the urge comes on strong) and yes I do well with the gentlemen.
But what I don’t do well with is lies. Why must you lie guys? It’s not like you’re not going to be caught out! I know how big an inch is! I know how big nine inches is and I definitely know when you’ve only got 6.
As I said earlier, I call this Inchgate. Where a full blown (pun intended) investigation needs to take place. Personally I think this needs to start at the manufacturing plants of the world’s rulers, because someone is clearly getting it wrong for the majority of the population to have a misconception of their actual size.
Now if that fails and Inchgate findings show that the rulers are all to the correct sizing, I think that the medical industry needs to step up to the plate by doing the measuring for the gentlemen of society. And with their professional measurement of length and girth, they will supply the gentleman with a printed document stating the correct facts, which they can produce before they produce.
A simple yet effective solution to the problem that is now dubbed #inchgate – no longer shall we stand for shortcomings, no longer will we stand being lied to and no longer will we be sold short at the check out! When you buy a twelve inch at subway you expect one, because that is the advertised size.
Gentlemen, we expect the same codes of conduct, the same business ethic when it comes to the meat end of doing business. So stand with me, ladies and gentlemen – #inchgate is an issue in our society, and we demand that the lies on size stop here and now or forever be known as an #inchgate offender.
Yes.. the problem of “gaydar age” and “gaydar inches” are well described in the recent novel “Safe in My Lover’s Arms” by Lance Loader. We all want to inflate our resume as well as our dicks. A mate of mine used to ask people to meet him at the Bondi Post Office. They would ring him and he would look down on them from his flat. ‘My God’, he said. ‘I’d have to ask them 3 times “Is that you? ” They look nothing like their photo at all! Maybe it was taken by their Uncle Arthur when they turned 21…..’
Maybe we should have a registered official on Oxford St with a tape measure and issue certificates of authenticity. “10inches :registered length”.
This article was a waist of my bandwidth! #bandwidthgate
Hahha.. have to agree with Darren Ross, even though I also agree with Ned Kelly…but seriously size has nothing to do with it, nor does body shape..My boyfriend of two years and I met on Grindr..no lies, nothing covered…its been the best two years of my life and we plan to psend the rest of our lives together. I always made a point of being honest on both grindr and scruff…and funnily enough the guys i picked up were decent fellas that i had fun with…simple logic..hard to come by sometimes :)
What’s even worse is they tell u they r packing 12 inches, and u rock up pre lubed and hanging for it, and they have like 5, and it’s like where the fuck is the other 7 inches bitch????
Ned, that’s cruel – you were promised 12 and u got 5, that sucks, go to the human rights commission and log a claim
Who cares how big a guys dick is. It’s actually what he can do with it. Well I’m not big but my guy loves the fact I’m not and he wouldn’t change it for the world. Really get over yourselves. It’s a dick not a brain !!!!!