Imagine a man leaving Melbourne to escape his Catholic Italian family to have a gay identity in Sydney at 43 years of age. True story. Years of internalised feelings of self-loathing and depression.
Or what about a 26-year-old country gay pretending to be straight because his mates constantly call each other “poofter” or “fuckin’ queer”. This is real and happening in today’s world, not 1960.
Constantly living with ethnic homosexual censorship or being surrounded by rural life that only supports heterosexual identities or, worse still, has perceived homophobic attitudes causes great distress to many gays, young and old.
Geoff is 24 and is from the central NSW coast. “I was too scared to tell anyone I was gay. I played sport and made friends with the town’s studs (who surprisingly I don’t talk to any more) but inside I was very, scared and depressed.”
Here are some nasty statistics. Eighty percent of rural gay adolescents suffer verbal abuse and bullying at school, gay teenagers are 10 times more likely to commit suicide than straight peers and 30 – 40 percent of homeless kids are gay. These are awful numbers.
So what can you do to improve your gay identity, improve feelings of self-worth and create better mental and physical health?
Thank God for the internet and publications like the Star Observer for contact with the gay world. But this is not enough to help a guy feel he is not the only gay in the village.
It would help young country gays enormously if retail outlets placed a welcoming triangle sticker in their windows. Guys, you could ask those you deem friendly. You could buy gay music so you rejoice in your gay identity when playing it anywhere. Purchasing gay literature is also helpful.
You could join city gay sporting clubs or the SGLBA as an associate member and visit the big smoke now and then. Schools could be requested to run sex identity and anti-bullying courses. Improving rural gay identity, and corresponding self-worth, is all about changing the present personal and public environment.
And then there’s coming out which is still very frightening for many rural and ethnic gays. But the more you talk about it the better it will be for your mental health. Find a mentor or friend you can trust and then come out to more friends. And don’t forget the Gay and Lesbian Counselling Service, regional NSW and ACT (1800 18 4527).
And what about ethnic gays? We could all make a bigger effort with these guys. You might surprise yourself and find these guys really interesting to talk to. Ask them how difficult it has been to come out in their ethnic worlds.
I know someone is going to email me saying tell them to just get ‘ova’ it but believe me there is still widespread homophobia out there. And guys, tell those twits on Grindr and other social media that racist comments on their profiles is not on. Silence condones their awful behaviour.
We can all do to something to lessen either our loneliness or the loneliness felt by our rural and ethnic gay friends. Please email with your stories or advice on living well in these environments.
INFO: Gerry North is a gay counsellor. Contact Gerry on www.gaycounselling.vpweb.com.au or email [email protected]
Well said. Thank You.