Sadly life out west is not as exciting as a daytime soap opera -“-” there is no one possessed by the devil, no one having an affair with their daughter’s husband and no one being kidnapped and locked in a dungeon until they finally profess their undying love for their captor -” at least I don’t think there is. That reminds me, I really should take him down a drink of water.

Most of my excitement is derived from the usual places that can be found in many living rooms out west -” mine anyway! RSVP, adultmatchmaker, oasis, adultfriendfinder, manhunt, gaydar, and of course¦ but alas our lives are not always as perfect as our profiles suggest.

Contrary to popular cyber belief I do not have a 10-inch penis, nor do I weigh 70 kilos -” but who really cares. At least other more sociable activities pop up every so often where I can enjoy my real life and break up the otherwise quite suburban gay lifestyle the west has to offer.

Coming up this Saturday August 8 is Heaven’s Star Search. As everyone would know from Facebook, I am looking to take off my-¦ ahem-¦ dancing shoes and be replaced in the production shows. Our 10.30pm show will be dedicated to some fabulous drag queens looking to strut their stuff and vie for a place in Your Westy Divas.

Who will be my replacement? Will they be skinnier? Will they know left from right? Can they count to eight?

All these questions and more will be answered in the weeks following our August Star Search -” come along and see what fresh talent western Sydney has to offer. For more information regarding the night, or to express your interest in performing please visit our website or email [email protected]

Also providing a safe venue for westie queers is Jupiter’s Nightclub with their regular gay night on the second Friday of every month. Join Miss Willie, Ruthless and other locals on August 14 at Jupiter’s. You can always be assured of a drag show, great music and a friendly outer western Sydney crowd. Don’t let these country folk fool you -” they are kinky out in the middle of nowhere! Or so I am led to believe on webcam.

The inner west also bursts at the seams down at Marrickville Town Hall with Pollys Club and their 500-odd patrons! Their next show Back to School on September 5 will be another night to remember -” especially if I end up in a school uniform! Don’t worry -” if I do I’ll be sure to tuck properly and wear my bloomers.

For those who prefer a quiet night in, tucked up under a blanket, don’t forget Queer Out West every Monday night on 89.3FM from 10pm. We have recruited some new presenters -” Adam, Aleks, Ida Slapda and Matt Vaughan. Tune in to hear the latest from our gay dad, drag gossiper, louder-than-loud drag queen and community guru.

Drag gossip: Which all-male group broke up recently after alleged infighting and bitching caused tensions to mount and friendships to splinter?

Which drag queen who fell off the face of the earth has recently reappeared looking like a haggard Tina Turner in her tumultuous years?

Until next time, gorgeous!

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