The joys of fairy bread

My grandmother used to say, “Man with finger in tart not always pastry chef”.
I’m not sure if I will have my finger in any tart soon but to jump on the MasterChef wagon, every Monday night Stonewall and I will present our very own version, aptly named Camp Chef.
Cooking and drag, do they really mix?
We remember those heavenly cooking demonstrations the fabulous Miss Claire de Lune used to do on The Midday Show. I watched Claire help Kerri-Anne feed huge meaty sausages through their casings, while Kerri-Anne squealed as a worm-like sausage came charging at her.
Camp Chef will be a similar concept but without heat or sharp objects. It will be a mixture of MasterChef demonstrations with a Stepford Wives, Barbara Cartland twist.
Stir in a healthy mystery box and a challenge between two patrons will hopefully have the audience hooting with delight and maybe learning a thing or two.
Have you ever wondered where fairy bread came from? We know it’s sprinkles on buttered bread, but who came up with the sprinkles? The whole idea screams … gay! Was it a gay boy dressing up a party situation or was it a tired mother confusing her spreads, and an accident became an institution?
Camp Chef will focus on the joys of pineapple princesses, fairy bread, Arrowroot biscuits icing (not to be confused with the soggy Sao challenge, which would be unhygienic for the stage), cake decorating, dip production and invention challenge, to name a few.
After each challenge you will hear words of wisdom from one of Barbara Cartland’s lesser known publications, Barbara Cartland’s Etiquette From the Boudoir to the Boardroom, with gold like “Unless she is ill, a woman should get up and cook her husband’s breakfast before he goes to work in the morning”.
This could work for man-on-man or woman-on-woman relationships also. To bring it into modern times, it should be a protein shake that can be prepared. How could Barbara be wrong — she looks so content on the front cover, with a dog on her lap decked from head to toe in pink!
Camp Chef kicks off on Mondays at 9.30pm, Stonewall Hotel. Have your bowls ready.