I’ve got kids

I’ve got kids

I’m proud of being a dad and telling people I have two wonderful sons, but it hasn’t always been the easiest conversation to have. I have felt telling people that I had children carried stigma and negative connotations in addition to having my own personal demons about guilt and abandonment.

Now it’s different.

A few years back in Melbourne, a dear friend of mine who had started off as a work colleague of mine was chatting to me one day about the movie he’d seen with his friend the weekend before. Gazing down, he saw a picture of my boys and asked if they were mine. I replied yes, they are and noticed he was heading off out the door with a puzzled look on his face.

I decided to call him and invite him out for a beer. With a tram shunting in the background, I laboriously described my journey and with the last gulps of the second beer divulged to him I was gay AND I had two children.

He then told me his partner’s name. It was a sweet moment of honesty on both our parts.

Even recently, a colleague of mine stopped by my desk and saw another photo of the boys. She asked if they were my nephews and I laughed and said oh lord no, they are my little men.

I eyed her curiously to see what her next move would be. She looked slightly stunned, reeling back on her shiny stilettos and told me that I looked like a man about town. (What on earth does that mean?!)

As she finally put it when she came back to consciousness, I had surprised her and then rearranged her thought process and perceptions for life in a matter of minutes. It was easy for her to think I was just gay, but adding children made it far more complex and rare.

Most days some people attempt to suppress polite surprise when they notice I have children, but then they wonder if I am gay too … oh it’s just too confusing. It’s about stereotypical images society has about us gay folk.

On the other hand, so many people are curious and intrigued by my having children and the colourful conversations that flow are fantastic. For each conversation that challenges someone to think that the impossible really isn’t and the world can be anything you want it to be, then in my book, that’s a positive for our community and for me.

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2 responses to “I’ve got kids”

  1. Hi John ,

    really enjoy your articles and your experiences as a father. You amaze me, by managing both your private life, then switching and becoming a mature fun loving father , trying to raise his sons in the right way possible ….. You make it seem so easy , but I am sure it is a challenge .

    keep them coming , really enjoy ready your experiences day to day…

    Sandy!

  2. John, I am again in awe of your writing and stories, keep them coming!
    I actually met a guy in his early 20’s in Thailand at a bar about 6 months ago; he was from Sydney and may have seen me as somebody he could talk to, given the drinks and being a stranger, he said “Can I tell you something?” and I said “for sure” and he went on to say that he’d only ever told one person and that his mother was gay, my reaction was, well do you love her? Is she a good mother? He said “of course”.. we talked about it for quite a while; as I too have people in my life in similar situations and judging from the way he said it, it seemed he didn’t care about the fact that she was gay, but cared about what society would “think”. I felt he also found some solace in me in the fact that I could relate to him and understand. This subject shouldn’t be taboo, as a lot of people find themselves in the same situation but are isolated because “it is rare” – I say it is not rare, it’s just not talked about or covered by those effected, as they care what the neighbours think so to speak.
    It’s words and honesty like yours John, that will slowly but surely erode the stereotypes that people place in their minds. I think it’s not so much the fear of being different, but the fear of indifference.
    My lesson learnt from this article; to be true to yourself and be proud of who you are as life is a journey, not a resume. Thank you again for sharing.. I’m sure you are inspiring many, as you have me.