By Scott-Patrick Mitchell

To say Sia is a perpetual child is an understatement. The Australian-born singer is the quintessential Peta Pan, all wide-eyed, child-like abandonment.

She began her interview on the phone from New York by gushing about a (straight) wedding she and her lesbian lover recently attended. The wedding was surprisingly gay with only six straight couples in attendance, including the bride and groom.

“We threw out a call for sperm, because the band MEN played. So during one of their songs — which is called Credit Card Babie$, which is about how gay babies cost a lot to make, and it’s kind of prohibitive and it’s a bit of a bummer — during that song she sort of threw out a call for sperm. We’ve met some good spermulators.”

Without missing a beat, the conversation rambled through the territory of turkey basting.

“Apparently it costs $2000 to have them do an IUI,” Sia gasped.

“That whole turkey baster stuff — it’s not real! I didn’t realise, because I’m new gay. Apparently when you buy sperm it is inside a little cocaine vial, and it’s like… water. All those millions of sperm suspended in so little fluid.”

Turkey bastings aside, Sia is living her dream. Not the dream, but her own personal dream — one where music reigns supreme. And not in a pop star way. For Sia, such limelight is too bright.

“I’ve been trying to manifest writing pop songs for pop stars, and slowly but surely that’s come to fruition. And being able to write songs for Christina Aguilera and Will Young, and Natasha Bedingfield, now I’m hoping that stuff brings me more of that sort of thing, I’m hoping I can bring out one more record and then hopefully retire and be a songwriter for other people.

“It’s taught me I don’t really want to be a big star. I don’t have the discipline, and I feel pretty confident in a lot of ways, but I don’t have the gumption to take all the pressure of being thin, conforming to a stereotype — I just want to be liked too much. I think I’d be doing my emotional self a disservice if I stayed in this industry for much longer.”

It’s this anti-starlet approach that has probably garnered Sia so many fans. Her recent ‘conversion’ to lesbianism has also earned her respect, particularly from her already diehard gay following. However, Sia’s sexuality appears fluid and carefree, much like her childlike nature.

“I don’t care if you’re a boy or a girl,” she clarified. “I’ve never been more attracted to women or men or unicorns — I just like people for who they are.”

Of course, no interview with Sia is complete without asking the one question her gay fans want an answer to: what’s it like working with Christina Aguilera?

“She’s like a porcelain doll. She has the most amazing manicures, the most amazing dressing room — all of my gay friends would fucking die to go and spend an hour in her dressing room, with her wall of shoes. She’s just a big talent.”

As are you, Sia, as are you.

info: Sia plays the Enmore Theatre on November 28. Tickets through Ticketek.

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