Well, I really should start this week’s article on a high note: All men are bastards! Now that is off my chest, where do I start?

Last weekend I decided to take myself out and par-tay, as the young kids put it, and drown my sorrows. After Friday, Saturday and Sunday, Monday was very hard for me, as you can imagine -“ I’m an old man, for god’s sake. During my drinking marathon I realised how truly wonderful the entire bar staff are in the pubs and clubs I patronised.

Like most of us, I guess I really don’t appreciate them as much as I should. Yes, they are working and getting paid to be there, but I guess we really don’t understand the responsibilities that go with working behind a bar.

Trying to listen to drink orders over loud music, serve as many people as possible, watch out for drunk people, make sure everyone is sort of happy, trying to not serve underage patrons, keep smiling, look after demanding drag queens, do the lighting and music for shows, pick up glasses, and still try to look sexy and available. Jesus, all this in just one shift!

Last weekend I was what can only be termed three sheets to the wind. I was having a great time, partying like it was 1999. If at any time I looked like I was getting a little crazy, one of the bar staff would gingerly pop over and hand me a water. There you go, darl, drink that for a while. Or when I was leaving: I will walk you to a cab if you like.

I think working in a club or bar is a very high stress position. Many new workers find that instead of a standard working environment it is more like a family. We look after each other. I work at Stonewall, the Midnight Shift, the Newtown and the Imperial, and at every establishment every staff member has been amazing.

Now when I am working I always make an extra effort to thank the bar staff. It’s important to be aware that without them we would basically be pouring ourselves drinks out of a carton of wine. Next time you have the shits because the barman has missed your order or hasn’t seen you, try not to go crazy but just smile and chill. I am sure it would not have been on purpose; remember they are just trying to do their job. Why not give them a tip? They probably deserve it.

EYESPY The Search for the 2005 Underwear Model final is on tonight at Stonewall. As you can imagine it is going to be huge (so to speak). My only advice is to get there early. From just the few weeks that I was involved, the boys are guaranteed to be hot. What are we going to do when this competition is over? What next, Stonewall?

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