Am I the only crazy person who sat up last weekend and watched the opening ceremony of the Athens Olympics? After a teary repeat of the Sydney opening ceremony, I thought, Stuff it, I may as well go all the way through. And let’s face it, I have been hooked ever since. I have Olympic fever, even taping events like the men’s gymnastics for future viewing. Between preparation for DIVAs and the constant need to view track, field and pool updates, I am running myself ragged.

Then there is my love for the Thorpedo. He may not be gay but I would still love to wear that young man’s pearl necklace. And believe me, I would be showing everyone. So whenever you are ready to shoot your Thorpedo, let me know. I will be there with bells on. Hey, I would even be prepared to take up swimming if necessary -“ I look great in a one-piece (I need a few more gym visits before a two-piece could be attempted).

The preparations for the Olympics and the up-and-coming DIVAs are very similar. Undeniably the similarities between the athletes and showgirls are huge. Both are prepared to do anything to win and beat their rival performers. Both are involved in regular drug testing. Both love to wear jewellery around their necks any time they can. The only things showgirls do better than the Olympic athletes are the outfits -“ this is where the showgirls really come into their own. Let’s face it. If a showgirl was in charge of the outfits, maybe the Australian team wouldn’t have marched into the arena in green leisure jackets with white stars. Practical for Greece’s hot weather but not if you are going to be watched by over 4 billion people. Granted the athletes would have been very uncomfortable in a showgirl creation but god damn, could you imagine the waists on them?

Unlike the Olympic athletes, showgirls do rely on the general public to gain their very own gold. Public voting day is this Saturday from noon to 5pm at Gilligans. Pop in and vote for your favourite showgirl to take the first place dais and listen to her national anthem.

Guess which newly renamed club employed two showgirls last Saturday night to try to bring back the gay crowds. Unfortunately an altercation broke out in which one of the showgirls became the brunt of numerous verbal insults (this time she got them, not gave them) from an uninformed employee. It would seem that the ploy for the pink dollar may be lost.

Vote for Shirley Valentine for DIVA Rising Star.

Once again, happy birthday to Arq. They featured a huge show with almost every performer from past and present wowing a massive crowd last Sunday night. Congrats.

DIVA is still looking for volunteers for the night of nights. If you are interested, drop them a line on [email protected]

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