OPINION: Getting more sex – as easy as counting one to five
If you are in a long-term relationship and wanting more sex it might be as simple as counting to five – research has shown that couples that compliment each other on a ratio of five positives to each negative have happier lives and more sex.
Continual negative comments, obviously, are a turn off. This makes so much sense, but it is so easy to slip into pointing out things that are wrong in a relationship, or another person, that we forget to say positive things about our partner. It will sound a bit false at first, but saying things like “You look really hot on those jeans,” “That jumper really suits you,” “That meal was just great,” “You look really happy,” or “Look what I found when I met you” can have a huge impact.
How easy is that? The world is your oyster – use as much creativity as you can muster here. You would not believe how many couples fail to express positive things about their partners – our brains get lazy and take the well-known and the reliable for granted. It just forgets to be positive.
Another great idea is to write or say three things you are grateful for or proud of yourself for achieving before going to bed and sharing it. Do this for three weeks and your home world will change. You will also be happier within yourself.
These are all comments and findings made by positive psychology author, Martin Seligman. His books “Flourish” and “Authentic Happiness” show the way to creating positive emotional lives.
You can use the same principles at work, with family or socially with great results. We as humans lap up positive strokes and we reward those that do it for us. Of course you have to say genuine things – saying you have a great arse when the other person is overweight might not do the trick. They will more than likely think you are sending them up.
Other tricks for getting more sex at home is doing more housework or shopping. Maybe you could review if you are taking your partner for granted. When was the last time you brought home a gift, booked a restaurant or surprised them with a theatre ticket?
Go on, start today and see what happens by bringing back positive psychology into your daily life.
