It goes without saying that lesbians know a lot about girls. We are girls, we date girls and we spend way too much time thinking about girls. Yes, my friends, we lesbians know ladies inside and out.

So as a 31-year-old lady-lovin’ lady, it frustrates me to see such clean and glossy depictions of girls in pop culture, because girls grow up with a warped idea of what it is to be a girl.

There’s so much shit the world doesn’t tell you. Something normal happens – like you don’t cum the first time you have sex – and your immediate reaction is there must be something wrong with me. No ladies, practice makes perfect. Communicating exactly what you want, even if it’s a bit out of the ordinary, to an attentive partner will get you over the line.

We’re so conditioned that the truth scares us. A hair grows out of your nipple and you freak the fuck out. Holy shit, no one told me that would happen. Quick grab the tweezers before someone finds out I’m a hairy nipple monster! It’s crazy.

Yep, some girls have hairy boobs. Some girls could grow hipster moustaches if they wanted to but prefer to bleach or wax their upper lip. Even more shocking, some hirsute ladies have dark hair that grows around their jaw line and down their neck. If it was socially acceptable, you’d see chicks rocking lady-beards all around town.

Society is generally pretty clueless about girly stuff and it’s time we set the record straight. But before that can happen we girls need to take pride in ourselves. Don’t be embarrassed if your vag doesn’t look like the ones in porn. Our lady-bits are awesomely unique – different shapes, sizes and colours – innies and outies – forests and landscaped gardens – they’re a work of art.

Now I’m not saying we should stop grooming our bodies and let it all hang out. Each to their own. But girls shouldn’t be afraid of themselves. We’re all weird and funny looking in some way or another – which means we’re all boringly normal, goddamit!

So next time you feel insecure, don’t compare yourself to the girls in the mags or on telly. Just remember there are a stack of chicks out there just like you – and if you’re still not convinced – ask a lesbian.

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