Mind your manners

If Clover Moore is reelected, once she has finished cleaning up Sydney’s laneways, opening small bars and has put the final nail in the final Just Say No To That Homophobic Feeling sign on Oxford St, I’d really like her to go about setting up a deportment school for bouncers too. As the gatekeepers to our nights out, and hence our whole world of happiness, I think this oversized mob could do with some education on how to make a person feel like a guest rather than a pest.

I visited two clubs at the weekend. At the first, a trendy straight bar in Kings Cross, I was rather humourlessly hassled for ID by a robot in the disguise of a human being. I had to convince the robot that I was sorry for not obeying said club’s policy to produce photo ID -” despite being over 30 -” and then after a couple of electronic bleeps I was allowed to make my way to the second gate -” where money is exchanged -” only to be sternly told by another member of the welcoming committee that nothing other than single file is permissible.

Cut to a well-known gay club on Saturday night, and it took having the name of a pretty famous gay paper next to my name on a doorlist to get this mob to look me in the eye and smile.

I must say it wasn’t quite as bad (or embarrassing) as the time I was outside The End in London, where they searched my bag, found a wee bottle of amyl (you know how it is), and told me I could exit the queue with my poppers intact, or enter like a shamed hooker, sans the tricks of my trade. Needless to say, my amyl nitrate was slam dunked into the closest bin, much to the bouncer’s pleasure, and I was allowed inside to see what all the fuss is about. As if I wasn’t going to go in The End!

But I’m sure it won’t be anything like that at new night Gaybourhood Watch, which starts tonight at Manacle. DJs Seymour Butz and Ben Drayton will be spinning cock rock, phallic funk, macho-tech, homo electro, tongue and groove, arse soul, gay wave and of course crisco disco. It’s just $5 to get in or free for those uniformed, rubbered, leathered or tarred and sports kitted folk.

On Oxford St, Glamour Pour Le Hammer is tonight upstairs at the Colombian featuring Rachel Lafferty and Spinner, aka Octo-Tranny. Jack Shit and Jay Katz will be providing the sounds till late. Entry is free.

Tomorrow, Fresh at the Midnight Shift goes R&B with a soulful blend of hip hop and R&B sounds from the likes of Kelly Rowland, Beyonce and Timbaland. Entry is $10.

On Saturday night, it’s gay, straight, whatever you please, at Starfuckers at Club 77, with my fave new DJ of the week, Mr Disorder, with the Outlaws (UK) and Sunday School. Entry is $10. The new Mad Racket party is Even More is at the Marrickville Bowling Club, featuring DJs Ken Cloud, Jimmi James, Zootie and Simon Caldwell. Tickets are $25 in advance from Spank Records.

And next Thursday, a new weekly lesbian indie night launches at the Phoenix called Snatch and Grab, featuring guest DJs The Blush Foundation playing the likes of M.I.A., Hot Chip, Blur and the Midnight Juggernauts. Entry is $10/$5 door list.

Lastly, a shout out to serious promoters: the New York-based manager of Amanda Lepore, Cazwell, the Brooklyn Funk Essentials and Ultra Nate is looking for interested parties to bring the artists out to Australia. Email me for contact details.