I’ve had a run of borrowing other gents’ men lately. It’s not something I’ve gone looking for and it’s not really something I prefer to get involved in.

But if someone is acting to the contrary, how can I be sentenced to gay adultery?

There is a thrill involved, though it’s momentary, perhaps more so on their side. I wind up feeling sorry for their partner at home/ Arq/ another person’s place. The people in question for this column are those whose partners don’t consent to their philandering ways.

I was sent a text the other day stating the times of the day I could communicate and the times of the week a particular gent was free. Fine, I get it, but it’s not for me. And I’m not acting all pious either.

As someone who was married, I took the terms of the ‘contract’ explicitly, though deviate from them I did. That’s a story for another day.

However, the notion that humans can’t be monogamous inspires me to look at relationships differently these days.

I was in a monogamous relationship with my previous male partner and thoughts of other people, as I once confided with Dr Jim, my shrink at the time, were typical and it was the consequences of those thoughts that mattered most.

Without knowing, Dr Jim tipped the temptation scales by challenging me.

“John, in the gay world, it’s easy peasy to have sex. It’s everywhere, it’s accessible,” he quietly stated in his dimly lit room, and, yes, he actually said “peasy”.

“The challenge is not resisting what you feel when you walk past a hot guy on the street or walk past a sex-on-premises venue,” he actually paused for effect. “It’s your decision to follow it through or not.”

He was right. Though he wasn’t so right when he asked me to stop being such a perfectionist and challenged me to send an email with deliberate mistakes in it. Again, another story…

Back to our boy triangle. I’m not in your relationship, I don’t know what makes it tick. What is yours is yours and what is mine is mine. And when the dust settles a day or so later, that’s the way it all boils down anyway.

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