Leaning Tower of Penis

It can happen to some men in younger years and can happen to other men as they age but a loss of interest in being sexual with ones partner can cause a great deal of stress and distress between a gay couple.  Many of us are used to the plethora of sites on the internet and the meet ‘n’ greet apps now available on Smartphones that point you in the direction of the most available sex partner at the click of a mouse or the touch of a screen.  Those on the far right of right-wing politics are always on about how promiscuous men are in general and gay men in particular.  All of that supposed recruiting of minors and other ‘innocents’ means we are meant to be erect and ready 24/7,  doesn’t it?

But what is it like for that proud gay warrior always rampant and ready for hot sex action, if that ideal isn’t how that gay man is feeling? Is he a failure if he isn’t always ready to prod any hole with an always-ready-for-action cock? Failure as a gay men and a failure in general perhaps?  Lots of questions but only one answer: No, he isn’t. But one answer really isn’t enough as there are all sorts of reasons why sexual desire or a desire for intimacy isn’t happening within a gay male relationship.

There are a multitude of reasons for why sex or intimacy is not there within a relationship and, indeed, there are people you can turn to who may be able to provide assistance or just plain old reassurance. Making an appointment with your doctor may be a good first step, as to why you are not being able to get the penis erect.  Impotence may be a sign of atherosclerosis: a reduced flow of blood to the penis. This can be caused by a variety of symptoms including: high cholesterol; high blood pressure; obesity; diabetes; and, smoking. In addition antidepressants, some cancer treatments and epilepsy medications can affect libido. A change in current medications or a blood test to check your testosterone levels may help to provide an answer.

It may well be that the lack of sex drive could be psychological (in your head), so making an appointment with a sexual health counsellor or psychologist could be of assistance.  It may be that stress and anxiety when you focus on issues other than sex might cause a drop in your ability to perform.  A fear of failure often labelled as performance anxiety can in itself contribute to this stress.  Rather than a self-diagnosis via the internet, seeking professional help could be the answer to your concerns.

Tex McKenzie  •  VAC/GMHC