How gay was your 2012? Was it a bright and shiny year or dull and sad? Let’s reflect.

Let’s evaluate your year. Score each one of the following out of 10: sex life, work or professional life, creative endeavours, partnership relationships, friendship matters, family relationships, health issues, personal growth, holidays, relaxation, and financial considerations.

And what changes are you going to make in 2013 to make yourself happier? Not so much as New Year resolutions – as we all make and break those – but your attitude to decision making. Maybe there will be things happening in 2013 that you have no control over, things that really will upset us, say for instance breaking up a relationship that is no longer working or losing a job. How you handle these negative events however is something you can control. You will have many choices.

We always have choices on how we deal with events outside of us. If we believe we have no choices then we become victims rather than assertive beings. The idea is to make your self more empowering to handle events outside of your control. The crux of all this is to develop skills where you control yourself and do not try to control others. Yes you can only control your self and what you do.

Say your relationship is on the verge of collapse. Try to talk it out first so you know where you stand. Get professional counselling together even if you decide in the end to split. Having a professional person set out for you how you handle your relationship from here on in is very empowering with emotions. After counselling you will also rewire the brain to adopt new behaviours to carry into your next new relationship.

2013 will be full of hope so let’s consider changing jobs, travelling more, being more creative, studying, getting healthier, finding new pursuits or finding a lover. Take control by making choices on how you want things to change. Write it all down in a diary as it has been proven that by writing it all down you reset the brain to head in that direction. The brain needs markers for direction.

So dream away about a better 2013 or a brand new 2013. Plan what you want to change and look at all the choices you have to make it happen. I assure you that if you write it down then like the book
it is more than likely to happen next year. It is time in 2013 to not be a victim but an instigator of a new life.

A very Mary Christmas and Happy New 2013 to all of you.

Gerry North is a gay counsellor and can be contacted at [email protected] or

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