It saddens me that our contemporary gay world is such an agephobic kingdom, because as we advance into our twilight years accruing life experience and achieving our goals, we’ll be under the unrealistic pressure to look youthful and evergreen to maintain our appeal to men in the LGBTI fraternity.
Some of the hottest guys on earth, namely Brad Pitt and Jason Statham, are well into their roaring 40s and still looking as gorgeous as ever, but these celebrities are heterosexual pin-ups, adored by women and envied by straight men the world over. Yet in the gay world it’s the barely-legal poster-boys fanning the fire of our desires.
We’ve all drooled over the pubescent pics of Brent Corrigan at least twice in our lives from his early work in Falcon Studios productions, Skins stars Mitch Hewer and Luke Pasqualino are modern-day gay sex symbols, and even sex with Justin Bieber is a more fancied fantasy in our gay subculture than copulation with Rupert Everett or George Clooney.
We have a severe shortage of older gay icons to admire. It seems many of us shun the notion that gay men can still look hot at any age — when it couldn’t be further from the truth.
Genetically speaking, men develop marionette lines, crow’s feet and sagging jowls much later than women. It’s also easier to attain herculean muscle mass in our late 20s and 30s than in our late teens or early 20s, and flecks of silver in the hair of middle-aged men can really accentuate their skin tone.
Associate Professor Garrett Prestage, a sociology and sexuality expert from the University of New South Wales, believes while we’re biologically inclined to desire youthful beauty, we should create opportunities for gay elders to distribute their messages to young people.
“We need to find ways to celebrate older gay men more effectively so they feel valued and validated,” Prestage says. “The gay community would be strengthened by ensuring that we learn from history and then we’d have more than just super-hot sex symbols — we’d also have role models that apply in other aspects of our gay lives as well.”
Prestage believes many of younger men are yearning for senior gay role models.
“I think young gay men have a real appreciation of what older gay men have done for them — even if they also get annoyed by older men ‘perving’ at them.”
When I’m out at a bar chatting to blokes for the first time, the question ‘so how old are you?’ is inevitably asked — and the answer always arouses my suspicion. Even mates of mine in their 30s often shave half decades off their ages when they’re approached by pretty young things at pubs and clubs.
Instead of bullshitting to prospective partners, why can’t we all be immensely proud of our real ages? The epidemic of agephobia will continue to haunt our society for generations to come.
I’m 24 and, although that’s young in my books, to some I’m already over the hill. I often wonder, do we simply lust after inexperienced, young men because they’re untainted by the gay culture and ‘promiscuous’ way of life? Do men subconsciously want younger men to make our gay Lolita fantasies a reality?
If we spent less time worrying about men’s ages and stressing over our own chronological clock, we could work together to overcome the crucial obstacles we collectively face in the LGBTI community.
INFO: Robert Edward Smith is a 24-year-old communications graduate, freelance writer and bisexual advocate for equality based in Melbourne.
Thanks for the reply Rodd
I think this problem is bigger in gay men because if you think about it, Hetros are grown up taught about social “systems” such as being engaged, married and remaining loyal to one person (this is learnt from religion, what we see in movies/cartoons when growing up etc) – Gay people don’t really have such a strong “preach” in what makes a healthy relationship (it is changing) in everyday life so perhaps this is where the problem is?
It has to be said, this is very much an Australian thing. At 51 I have no trouble meeting, chatting and often bedding UK, European or nth/sth American guys of all ages. Admittedly I’m still slim with a full head of hair (there’s gray but you have to look for it) and an excellent olive complexion. I could shave 20 years off my age – earlier this year I was chatting to a 42 year old who asked “What are you… 27?” – but I refuse to lie. It’s taken 51 years to get where I am, I want every one of them counted.
Sadly, Aussies are not only self-conscious about age, they’re also judgmental. I’d like to see a follow up to this blog where guys from different ethnic backgrounds are interviewed to shed more light on the difference in their attitude to Australians.
Robert, thanks for a very well written article.
I don’t think it’s just the gay community that has to deal with this though.
Youth has always been objectified and more people in both the gay and straight communities are finding ageist attitudes from some people (not all of course), especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Many people I know, having enjoyed their single 20’s and 30’s, are suddenly finding they are ‘too old’ when it comes to meeting people.
If someone isn’t interested in you based on your age, physical appearance, etc you’re gonna just have to accept that’s the way they think and move past it.
Yes, you won’t end up with that person for life (or even maybe just the night) but there are a lot of great and hot younger/older guys and gals who’ll find your age to be just another alluring feature about you (hopefully not the only one). ;)
I used to find it frustrating, especially online, when people would find out my age and lose interest or refuse to believe that my pic is recent (hey, I lucked in and look younger). Thankfully I’ve always been honest about my age and you learn to accept that it’s their problem, not yours and you’ll always find someone else who’s just as much fun without the prejudice…..although apparently I’m told once I’m 40 I’m back in the ‘hot commodity’ daddy period of my life! lol
Kevin, I’m sorry to hear you’ve met so many guys in my age range who are bitter but that comes from a variety of different life experiences, prejudices, self hatred, etc and that’s not limited to any age, there are people of all ages, genders, etc who have allowed their outlooks to become that way.
I always find it a little sad when I meet someone in their late teens or early twenties who have become bitter from past relationships/friendships/experiences that have soured their outlooks on life, as I know there are so many wonderful, exciting, fun (and yes, unfortunately occasionally painful and sad) experiences still to come.
It would be too simplistic to just say that we have had so much to fight for and either given up or become embittered. Although my own life has had it’s adventures and misadventures, hell there are periods I’ve shut down emotionally for a year or to just to be able to deal with the things that have happened. But it hasn’t been all bad and I have met many people my own age and both younger and older than me, all of whom have had to fight more than I ever had to be accepted and too accept themselves.
Yes, some have become embittered and some are still fighting but have learned from their experiences to have an amazing capacity to forgive, both themselves and others and move forward.
Bitterness, openness, acceptance and intolerance are universal, anyone can be that kind of person, regardless of age.
We’re not all like that and many people are simply looking for people in their lives who want the same things they do, regardless of their ages.
Simply put, after my little ramble, some people have sucky attitudes, it’s about moving past those people to spend time with those that don’t and respecting yourself enough to only accept being treated right (yes, it takes time but as I learned, you can eventually get there).
Kevin, im in my late 20’s too and for the most part i tend to agree. im not ageist.. i go for older and younger guys and you’re right…
i know quite a few guys in their late 30’s and early 40’s who are still out every weekend clubbing, drugging up and god knows what else when they go home with whoever then end up picking up.
Of course theres a decent amount of guys in their 20’s doing this too, but ive found most of the guys in their 20’s that i know have bfs (or looking for one) are settled and only enjoy a big night out on the odd occasion…
who knows, maybe its a generation thing? maybe its ageism from younger guys… but i think your article is pretty valid…
id like an answer to it as well… coz some older guys are HOT!!!!!
I’m going to be ageist here.
I am in my late 20s and I date men between the ages of 35 – 45 and I have lots of friends within this age range as well. This age bracket of gay men are always so notoriously bitter, they enjoy playing mind games with the world and are just plain lost in a sea of narcissism and promiscuous sex. I don’t know why that is… perhaps when we get older we just realise how unfair the world is with being gay? or perhaps this generation had to experience a constant battle to fight for being gay and just give up?
Can someone please explain?
I don’t believe it is possible to find positive role models in older gay men. Perhaps outside the age bracket I mentioned when they calm down (after the phase of screwing people around, taking too much drugs/drinking passes.)