GREY MATTERS: Should There Be A National LGBTQIA+ ‘In Memoriam’ Website?

The online daddies dating profile shared some unexpected news…

“Dear friends of Jonathan, I inform you that my much loved partner has died peacefully after a long illness. He is greatly missed.”

I often noticed this couple’s profile among my online favourites. Sometimes, I chatted with the older partner about the weather, recent hookups, or other profiles worth checking out. Even though he and his younger partner lived far away and we’d likely never meet, it still felt like a real friendship.

The simplicity of the wording surprised me. Then I realised how practical this way was for the surviving partner to let others know of the death. He could keep the old ‘couple’ profile active for an extended period of time before deleting it, while establishing a new ‘single’ profile for his new life.

This silent epitaph served as a unique means to connect with this online community of disparate individuals, unlike any other.

For these online contacts, we often don’t know much beyond their first name. We know the suburb or town they put on their profile, and we recognise their profile photos. We might not connect often, yet we restart the conversation maybe weeks or months later from where we left off.

Like many, I keep a digital phone directory of my potential sexual partners and online friends. For the surviving partner, it’s too invasive to send a blanket text message to these men. Over time, the partner possessing the dead man’s phone can also answer any calls or texts that come through.

For the surviving partner, be sure you know his password; otherwise, even this digital epitaph will not be possible.

Therefore, I applaud the importance of maintaining the profile epitaph for that particular sexual community to discover.

In a world where we are fleeting exchangers of information, this is a practical means of advising others of a passing.

Which raises the question: Could there be value in a national LGBTQIA+ ‘In Memoriam’ website?