No more bets, heads holds the money and come in, spinner have been burned into my brain and I am not sure if I will ever forget them. As we all know, last weekend was Anzac Day, which gives all Australians the privilege of playing two-up. It’s a fabulous game, everyone screaming and shouting. I want head and I am looking for tail always gets a smile out of me.
But as for two-up, that is about the extent of my knowledge, so when I was asked to be the caller at the Harbour View Hotel in the Rocks on Sunday, I thought, ripper, this should be a piss in the park. Oh, was I so terribly wrong! I didn’t realise that you don’t call one game every 10 to 15 minutes -“ no, you call one game per two to three minutes. So when I waltzed in to a full hotel in a skimpy little Dallas Dellaforce frock I thought I was home and hosed.
Hooked up to a Madonna microphone and with a bikini-clad girl in tow (hoping this would help me control the natives), I mounted the stage. To say we were met with a positive response would be an understatement. We were met with a roar from the crowd. Three hundred college boys didn’t know whether to look at me or the semi-naked girl. Within seconds they were on their knees singing You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling.
The next few hours seem to blur into one another, with a mix of coins, boys and beer. But all in all they were very well behaved, interested only in betting money and getting a spinner who knew what they were doing. Hey, I even had John Williamson in having a few games, though my rendition of Rip Rip, Woodchip probably sent shivers up his spine.
By 6pm I was absolutely rooted and ready to hang up my tosser till next year when I received a frantic call from Penny Tration: Maxine, I have fallen on my already twisted ankle and I am not able to call two-up at the Midnight Shift. Help me, Maxine, help me!
So with coins and paddle in hand I became a sort of two-up Super Machine, racing to the Shift. By 8:30pm I was truly ready for bed, sneaking out to treat myself to a huge serve of Hungry Jack’s and a lie down. My wig goes off to all those who call for 10 to 13 hours straight. You are amazing -“ it really makes my six hours look like nothing.

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